Foot Drop

 I have a condition called foot drop. It comes about when there is an impingement, or pressure, on the nerve somewhere between my brain and my foot. It causes my foot to periodically, and unexpectedly, not lift my toe up all the way when I'm walking. When I am wearing just socks, this usually doesn't cause much of a problem, but when I am wearing shoes, it causes me to trip over my own feet.

 Historically, when this happens, I feel really dumb how foolish am I that I can't even pick up my feet right when I'm walking? But my doctor, recently, taught me that this condition is inherent in my system. No matter how much my brain tells my foot to pick up my toe, my foot is not getting the message. I could look at my foot the whole time I'm walking and tell my foot with every step to pick up my toe, and I would still not do it every once in a while. Now, perhaps this is because my foot doesn't have ears to hear my mouth speaking, but that's what nerves are for. And my nerves are not communicating as they should, and there is nothing I can do about it. I cannot eat the right food, or exercise more, or do pt, or anything to change the fact that my brain and my foot are just not communicating. 

 This got me to thinking, is there anything else in my life that I am blaming on my lack of trying, but is actually the way it is supposed to be? You see, I get really frustrated with my foot drop. I feel dumb. I often get injured because of it. If this is how God made me? Did He mess up? Well, based on my understanding of God both through scripture, and history, and my relationship with him, that's just not possible. There is no way that God making me with foot drop happened either by accident or by mistake. So where does that leave me? Did God make me with foot drop on purpose? He must have. But why? 

 Well, for one thing, it has taught me that not everything is in my control. It also keeps me very humble as I trip over myself while walking next to others. The reality is, God knows more and knows better than me. I'm sure God had a very good reason, or more likely many good reasons, for making me with foot drop. I'm never going to understand it all, but I can trust that he does. And that's where I choose to reside in this and many other things in my life. I don't get it, but I know He does. I don't have to like it, but I can trust that it is for good. God made me, and God loves me. God knows everything and He knows how many hundreds or thousands or millions of things in this world would be affected simply by me having foot drop, so if He decided, in His infinite wisdom, that this was best, who am I to argue? Furthermore, what hubris is it for me to think that I should be able to fix everything, or even that something needs fixing? Who am I to say that I know better than God? What else in my life is like this? Something that I am taking responsibility for, but I actually have no control over? What am I condemning myself on that is nothing I've done wrong? What am I seeing as bad, that God fully intended for good?

 Our minds are small and finite. We see and understand so little realistically. We'd like to think we know something, but do we? Because of this, our trust in God must be great. Only He understands everything and keeps the world going. We cannot even make sure our loved one takes their next breath, but God can, and He is worth of our trust. When things don't make sense, when we randomly can't pick up our foot, we can trust that God knows why, know the 1,000 whys, and He has a purpose for it all.

Here's the Thing: I'm not dumb, even if I feel that way when I trip over my own feet. Sometimes it's just not about me. Sometimes I truly have no control over things. That can feel scary, unless you have hope and faith in a God who does. I'm so glad I do, and I hope you do too. If you ever want to chat about that, feel free to reach out to saltyzebrablog@outlook.com .