Salty Zebra

  Then I thought, “To this I will appeal: the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand. I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.”   Psalm 77:10-11  Sometimes life is hard. Things just don’t add up. You hurt. You’re worn out. You’ve waited and waited, and reprieve doesn’t seem to be on the horizon. The Bible doesn’t shy away from these difficult seasons in our lives. It doesn’t shame us, or tell us we’re wrong to feel sad, scared or lost. Instead, it comes alongside us and says, yes, your brothers and sisters have felt that way too. You are not alone.   In our Psalm today, 77, the psalmist (Asaph) lays out his struggles before God. He starts out in confidence that the LORD will hear and pay attention to him. Things had gotten so bad that he felt like, maybe, God had forgotten him or rejected him. He wondered if God was so angry with him that He had withheld His compassion. That’s a dark place to be. Maybe ...

   God knows. He knows what we need and when we need it. Five days after hearing that I was going to probably need radiation therapy for my brain tumor, this book shows up in my mailbox. I am a regular supporter of the Love God Greatly ministry, so I receive their studies automatically and I didn't know in advance what it would be. Turns out, this one is a repeat (which they do occasionally). Turns out, God put everything together just right so that I would have the study I needed, when I needed it.  Radiation therapy brings a whole host of suffering with it. Exhaustion. Not just tiredness, bone-weary exhaustion. I remember that from after my brain surgeries. My body was so worn out that it literally couldn't stay awake for more than 20 minutes straight. Falling asleep sitting up wasn't just possible, it was the norm. Nausea. My worst enemy. I've said over and over, I'll take pain and migraines over nausea. Well, in this case I may not have to choose, I'll likel...

  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .    After my annual brain tumor checkup in April we waited, somewhat anxiously, to hear back from my doctor about what the Tumor Board (the "Brain Trust" as we like to call them) decided about my future. I'm pretty sure that doctors don't feel nearly the amount of urgency in getting back to us as we do! On the 28th (my husband's 50th birthday) we finally received the results of my MRI in MyChart, something we would typically get a few hours later instead of 8 days. This told us that information should be coming soon, but the call we received was NOT the one we'd expected. The next morning, I got a call from Audiology. They were calling to schedule my baseline hearing t...

Since then, no prophet has risen in Israel like Moses, whom the Lord knew face to face, who did all those signs and wonders the Lord sent him to do in Egypt – to Pharaoh and to all his officials and to his whole land.  Deuteronomy 34:10-11  Moses truly lived an incredible life, and we can learn so much from it. He was not perfect, not by far, and the Bible doesn’t shy away from that. He was a confessed murderer (Exodus 2:12). He argued with God and tried to get out of the role that God had for him at the burning bush ( Exodus 3 -4). In the wilderness, he let his frustration get the better of him and he disobeyed God’s instructions at Meribah ( Numbers 20:1-13 ). But despite these failings, and others I’m sure, God chose to use Moses to accomplish His will and show His wonders. We may have thought that because of what we have done or who we have been, God cannot use us. I caution you to remember that Moses was 80 – EIGHTY YEARS OLD – when God finally got a hold of him and beg...

  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .  There's lots to do before I start radiation in 35 days, and I have to prioritize. When looking at my list, one of the hardest things was cutting my hair. Three years ago, I had three brain surgeries which resulted in a shaved head at the end. That was a tough decision at first, but when I found that I would have several strange, shaved patches, and I had spent two weeks in the neuro ICU not being able to wash or care for my hair properly, it got a little easier. After surgery, I very much wanted to grow my hair back out. There's something about my body and brain that tell me I need to put my hair in a ponytail. If I can't, I just don't feel right. One year later (exactly one y...

  Not one of you will enter the land I swore with uplifted hand to make your home, except Caleb son of Jephunneh and Joshua son of Nun. As for your children that you said would be taken as plunder, I will bring them in to enjoy the land you have rejected.   Numbers 14:30-31  God tells you to do something and you don’t. You’re scared, or intimidated or ashamed. Whatever your reason, you decide not to do what God has told you to. Then comes God’s judgement, the correct response to your disobedience. You don’t want whatever the consequences are even more than whatever had kept you from obeying in the first place, but now it’s too late. Yes, God forgives, but that doesn’t mean He rewinds and makes everything the way it was. Because of your disobedience, you now have a new course, a new path to follow, and to not follow it would be further disobedience. That will not go well.   God had brought the people to the promised land. They were to send delegates to go scope i...