Salty Zebra

Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .  I don't know why, but with me, there's always a catch. Before my brain surgery, I ended up with a horrifically painful sinus infection that blew out the back wall of my sinus, leaving tiny pieces of bone floating in my head, and preventing me from getting the surgery that was critical to my survival. Turns out, it's not a good idea to perform brain surgery on someone with an active head infection 😬. That delayed my brain surgery for a full month, and it weighed heavily on my mind as I approached radiation therapy and, yet another, bizarre, unexplained complication arose.  I've struggled with scalp issues for months, I don't know why. Perhaps it came from reverting to comme...

  Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by on the road? Look and see? Is there any pain like mine? The LORD has afflicted me, he has inflicted it on me when he burned with anger. Lamentations 1:12  Oftentimes, when someone faces a season of challenge and tribulation, they are asked by others if there is some sin in their life for which they might be being punished. I think there are two reasons for this. First, the one asking would like to see that there is something different between them and the person experiencing trial, something that keeps them safe and prevents trouble from coming their way. This gives them the comfort that as long as they are obeying God, they won’t have to deal with whatever they see their neighbor going through. Second, they may genuinely want to help and think that by removing sin from your life through confession you may be restored from your problems. It’s a classic example of “Us and Them,” of trying to separate yourself from trouble by seeing ...

  But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.   Psalm 13:5  When do you celebrate God’s deliverance? Do you wait until you see and experience it, or can you celebrate now, in the midst of the suffering, knowing that God has it all under control and He will make it all right? This morning I was confronted with two different versions of Psalm 13, which spoke two different sides of this approach to me.   First, I read the NET version. The last two verses are, “But I trust in your faithfulness. May I rejoice because of your deliverance! I will sing praises to the LORD when he vindicates me.” In this version, it sounds like the psalmist, David, is hoping to rejoice in God’s possible deliverance, as if he is promising to praise God IF He delivers him. But the NIV was totally different.   “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.” I trust. My he...

  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .  From the time I was given my setup appointment for June 2nd, my husband and I felt like a clock was ticking. On the one hand, we felt like we would get more information at the appointment, including a promised schedule. On the other hand, this appointment would start to make it all real, and it certainly did! I think I came out of it feeling a little shell-shocked. For those interested, and perhaps those who might come after me and want to know for themselves, I'll walk you through our day.  As per usual, we arrived for my appointment about an hour beforehand. My husband is a big proponent of being early! I factored this in, though, and packed us a lunch to eat since my appointment time w...

  The sacrifice God desires is a humble spirit – O God, a humble and repentant heart you will not reject. Psalm 51:17  When we realize that we’ve done something wrong, we want to make it right. We want to “fix it.” At least I do. I hate sitting in that state where I am confronted with my sin and feel helpless to do anything about it. The problem is, sometimes there is nothing to be done. The cat is out of the bag, the toothpaste is out of the tube, and there is nothing humanly possible to be done to reverse it.   I think about this often with my parenting. I tried so hard to be a good mom. I prayed. I learned. I sacrificed. But no matter how much effort I put into it, I am still human, and I still had terrible failings, ones I am desperately ashamed of. I have spoken to my kids about this, confessed my wrongdoing and asked their forgiveness. They were kind and ready to give it, and yet I do not feel absolved.   This psalm says in verse 4, “Against you, and you ...

  Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?   Psalm 10:1  Have you ever planned a surprise birthday party for someone? A common part of this is pretending. Pretending you did not remember their birthday. Pretending like nothing special is planned or going to happen. The person in question may wonder if you even care about them, if their special day matters to you at all. And then, at just the right time, everything comes together and all their friends and loved ones pop out and yell, “Surprise!” All at once, they no longer feel unseen and unloved, instead they are surrounded by joy and affection.   Sometimes when we are in the midst of trouble, it’s hard to see where God is at in it. Why is He allowing you to suffer when He is fully capable of fixing everything in the blink of an eye? The thing I think we are missing in this situation is perspective. Joni Eareckson Tada once said, “Perspective is everything when you are exper...