Praying God's Wisdom: When Forgiveness is for Your Healing

 

As far as the east is from the west, so far has he removed our transgressions from us. Psalm 103:12

 Last month I wrote a post that will likely never see the light of day. You see, someone did great harm to one of my close loved ones, and to me by extension, and I was writing about the impact it had on me, the collateral damage I had become. But, of course, that initial hurt was done to someone other than me, and it is not my story to tell. The thing is, within that, I still have a story. I still have an injury. The trauma is real, but it is not mine to share, so how do I deal with it?

 I guess I defaulted to my old ways of dealing with it initially and just stuffed it down. That does no one any good. Our verse today shares the incomprehensible blessing of God’s forgiveness for us and reminds me that He has called me to forgive as well. Forgiveness is crucial in relationships because whenever two or more humans get together, someone will mess up. But what role does forgiveness play when the person who injured you did so by saying they no longer want a relationship with you? You are not bringing healing to a relationship, so what’s the point?

 I think the point is, the hurt still affects me, and God doesn’t want me becoming a miserable, bitter old woman. I knew one of those once, my great-grandmother. She was so hurtful and bitter that one after another of her grandchildren, and great grandchildren by default, stopped coming to see her. She lived in an apartment on the other side of my grandmother’s garage, and I was told to just stay away, because she was likely to say something terrible and hurtful if I didn’t. So, she ended her days alone, wallowing in her misery. I don’t doubt that she had a thing or two to be bitter about, but what good did it do her? What benefit did she derive from holding on to her righteous indignation?

 If I ever have the blessing of meeting my grandchildren, I want to be a joy to them, and to their parents. I want to be the one that everyone wants to come and visit because my home is warm and open and inviting, my smile is genuine, and my words are kind. I already have the challenge of pain that invites me daily to grumpiness, I don’t need to add to it. Today, I woke up irritable. I was in pain all down my back, I had a migraine this morning, I hadn’t slept well, and the dog was barking to get me up. I had to go downstairs to let her out, and when I did, I found she’d had an accident I had to clean up. Then while I was trying to do that, she was outside barking to be let back in and I snapped at her. I told her I was trying to clean up the mess she’d made, and she would just have to wait. I trudged up the stairs and was so exhausted that I decided to try and sleep a little more on the couch (I didn’t want to disturb my husband on his last sleep-in day before beginning his new job). Of course, the dogs weren’t having any of that and they did whatever they could to get me up. They were successful, as I’m sitting up writing this and not snoozing on the other side of the room. All of that brought me to quite the place of grumpiness, but I’m pretty sure it started before I even went to bed last night. As my husband and I had a lovely walk on the beach at sunset, we discussed the hurt I alluded to before. I admitted my anger and injury to him. It was brought out in the open, but left sitting on the table of my mind, unresolved. I very much think that informed my morning even more than the pain I’m actually quite used to. I’m so very grateful that God reminded me of this lesson before my husband woke up and was greeted with that.

 So here I sit, knowing I have hurt, I’ve been hurt, and knowing I need to forgive. I am no longer in relationship with this person, so I don’t think calling them up and telling them I forgive them is the right route. Who knows, maybe they’ll happen across my blog post and see it for themselves. But between me and God, I forgive them. I release them of anything they owe to me. I place their judgement into the perfect, merciful hands of God and trust Him to bring from all this the good that I know He can. I want to go forward able to fondly remember them and the times we shared. I miss them, I probably always will, but I’ll miss them in a sad way instead of a hurt way.

Here's the Thing: As often has been taught to me, forgiveness is so much more for the person doing the forgiving than the one being forgiven. When you hang onto hurt and anger, it does nothing to hold the person who harmed you accountable or punish them, it only punishes you. Furthermore, the Bible teaches us that if we want to be forgiven, we need to forgive others (Matthew 6:14-15), and I so very much need God’s forgiveness in my life!