Salty Zebra

Buckle in! This is a processing post so it is likely to be long and wordy and emotional and probably flawed in many ways. I thank you for your patience and anyone who makes it to the end gets bonus points in my book 😏.  Let's start with the info. I've been having progressively more intense, more frequent, and longer lasting migraines. Since my eye surgery in May, I've also been experiencing a great deal of nausea, almost daily. Sometimes meds help (with either), sometimes they don't. In addition, since the eye surgery, my double vision has intensified. My depth perception is shot, I'm regularly missing things I grab for, mistaking curbs for cracks in the sidewalk, bumping into walls or counters. Those are the three things that neurosurgery told us to watch for with regards to the shunt functioning properly: headaches, nausea, and vision changes. Now the vision changes were probably because of the surgery and the nausea was probably  because of the migraines, but th

  You must let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth, but only what is beneficial for the building up of the one in need, that it would give grace to those who hear.   Ephesians 4: 29 Watching our words has got to be one of the hardest things we do. It is SO easy to let something we shouldn’t say slip out. I guess the first defense is to mind your heart. In Luke 6:45 we read, “A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.” If your heart is full of anger, grumpiness, hurt, that’s what going to come out of your mouth. If, on the other hand, your heart is full of gratefulness, joy, peace, that will be what you will be known for. I remember a board book I used to read to my kids when they were little called my happy heart. That was my desire for them, to live lives with hearts overflowing with love for others, especially for God. Having

Then little children were brought to him for him to lay his hands on them and pray. But the disciples scolded those who brought them. But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not try to stop them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.”   Matthew 19: 13-14 Sometimes the people in our life become like furniture. They are just around, they are expected, they just are. We’d miss them if they were gone, but do we take advantage of the opportunity of having them there? God is opening my eyes to this thought, particularly where it pertains to the children in my life. They are not there by accident. I have a unique opportunity to let them know that they are seen and loved, by me and by God. In fact, it may not be just an opportunity, it may be a responsibility. When I was raising my children, both sides of this coin were evident to me. I saw the sand flowing through the hourglass of their childhood far faster than I wanted it to. I knew my opportunity with

For we are his creative work, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we can do them.   Ephesians 2: 10 I’m a planner, a thinker, a preparer. When I go into a situation, odds are that I’ve experienced it at least a half a dozen times in my head already. When I go to a restaurant, I usually already know what I’m going to order before I get there. I’ve always been tasked with the role of a coordinator or an administrator. I organize and put people on teams. I plan schedules and put together meal plans. I write out my shopping lists based on the departments in the store and the order we usually visit them. So where, in all this, do I leave room for the work that God has prepared beforehand for me to do? You see, I’m not the only one planning around here. He’s been planning all this since before the beginning of time. He’s not just rehearsing what might happen in His mind, He’s seen exactly what WILL happen. If I’m so caught up in my own plans

  So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do everything for the glory of God.   1 Corinthians 10: 31 I have a long history with restrictive diets. Really, it dates back to my childhood watching my family yo-yo dieting with Slim Fast and other equally toxic and unmaintainable eating styles. Those early messages were so conflicting and confusing. “Food is bad, because it’s so good.” I’m not sure how you ever really clear out those founding memories. Sugar is bad. Salt is bad. Fat is bad. Carbs are bad. Artificial sweeteners are bad. Red Meat is bad. Gluten is bad. Dairy is bad. Oh wait, but most of those things are good and necessary too. As an adult, I’ve bumped up against several needs for diets. When my children were born, I wanted to lose the pregnancy weight. My babies had severe allergies and I was nursing them, so I had to cut out dairy and soy – not an easy thing to do at the turn of the century when labels were still very lacking. Then my body started to go crazy. I

  Whoever speaks, let it be with God's words. Whoever serves, do so with the strength that God supplies, so that in everything God will be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.   1 Peter 4: 11 I’m coming off of a beautiful, but very full weekend. God carried me through for sure! I definitely felt His strength enabling me to entertain, visit, pack, unpack, repack, etc. It was well beyond my usual capacity for activity and He provided. I anticipated that this week would be one where I would be recuperating, and that has proven very true. I have woken up each morning bone-weary exhausted. The pain has been intense. Was it worth it? Absolutely! Would I do it again? In a second! Over the last few years I’ve been learning about the SpoonTheory and incorporating its principles into my life. I’m constantly aware of how much energy I have and how much will be required of me in the rest of my day. I’ve had to learn to say, “No” to

  For this is the love of God: that we keep his commandments. And his commandments do not weigh us down   1 John 5: 3 Tomorrow is Juneteenth. For many of us, this is a new and little understood holiday, but in reality, it is likely the longest running African-American holiday, dating back to 1866. It celebrates the final enforcement of the Emancipation Proclamation, moving towards the end of slavery in America. Celebrations often include readings of the Emancipation Proclamation and works by noted African-American writers like Ralph Ellison and Maya Angelou, singing traditional songs like “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot,” and, of course, lots of food! At such a sweet celebration, you would think love would abound. You would think that God’s people would show up in full force to love on their community and represent the Father in the world. Maybe in some areas they do, but in the Pacific Northwest I’m afraid it’s a different story. Every year my daughter goes into Seattle for the celebrat

  Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding. Acknowledge him in all your ways, and he will make your paths straight.   Proverbs 3: 5-6 So, the Disney movie, Inside Out 2, came out this weekend. I admit I haven’t seen it, so I am not recommending it here. But as I read these verses, it came to me that I need to let my inside out more. As an introvert, so much of my world is inside – both literally and figuratively. I spend much of my days inside, and most of my interactions take place in my mind. I’m likely to have a conversation a dozen times in my head before it ever happens out loud. My prayer life is primarily a silent one, only brought out for the occasional mealtime or when called on at home group or a family event. It makes sense, then, that I don’t talk about God a lot. Really, I don’t talk a lot. People who spend time with me might beg to differ, because once you get me going, I do tend to ramble, but that really doesn’t happen all tha

 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and exhorting one another with all wisdom, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs, all with grace in your heart to God. And whatever you do in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.   Colossians 3: 16-17 I’ve “grown up” in the faith reading about people like Elizabeth Elliot, Amy Carmichael, and Peter Lord. I always thought that in order to please God, in order to be a good Christian, I had to do something BIG! I lived those early years in fear that God would ask me to send my kids to a mission school so my husband and I could minister on some dangerous foreign field. Not that I was afraid of ministering in danger, I was hopeful of and expecting that, I just didn’t want to be separated from my kids! Time went on and while my husband kept getting to do exciting and dangerous things, I mostly just stayed at home watching over our family. Sometimes it didn’t feel fair.

We have been called to a relationship with our Heavenly Father. The kind of relationship He’s asking of us doesn’t look like weekly visits on Sunday mornings, or even daily check-ins as we grab some devotional time. These things are an important part of our relationship, yes, but not it’s entirety. Remain in me, and I will remain in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, unless it remains in the vine, so neither can you unless you remain in me. I am the vine; You are the branches. The one who remains in me - and I in him - bears much fruit because apart from me you can accomplish nothing.   John 15: 4-5 In John 15, Jesus paints us a picture of remaining. This is not visiting a water source for a refill on a regular basis, but a constant attachment. In 1 Thessalonians 5 we are taught to pray without ceasing, or constantly pray. That might seem impossible if your picture of prayer is a person on their knees beside their bed, but do you have a running dialog in your head?

  Confessions of a people pleaser. I have allowed my life to be ruled by fear. I am afraid of what strangers in a grocery store will think of me. People who I do not know and will never see again influence what I do and say on a daily basis. It’s foolish, and I know it, and yet I cannot seem to break away from it. How can I hope to live in my true identity as a child of God, free from the entanglements of this world? But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people of his own, so that you may proclaim the virtues of the one who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.   1 Peter 2: 9 A line from today’s devotional stood out to me today, “Your identity is firmly rooted, not in the fleeting moments but in the eternal embrace of our Savior.” Who I am is not decided by what people think of me. It is not determined by a chance encounter, or even a long-term relationship. It is firmly rooted in Christ alone. I can stand strong in Whose I am, not worrying

 This is my Father's world, And to my listening ears All nature sings, and round me rings The music of the spheres. This is my Father's world: I rest me in the thought Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas-- His hand the wonders wrought. This is my Father's world: O let me ne'er forget That though the wrong seems oft so strong, God is the Ruler yet. This is my Father's world: Why should my heart be sad? The Lord is King: let the heavens ring! God reigns; let earth be glad! When my children were young, we used a kindergarten homeschool curriculum called My Father’s World. We would sing this song every week. Today, when I hear this song, it brings back such sweet memories. I think of treasure hunts outside to find leaves for crayon rubbings and trips to the library for books on P is for penguin. I think Kindergarten was my favorite. There was no pressure to learn to read or master math, we were just exploring. While they were growing up, I was very intentional abo

  He holds down the fort. He picks up my pieces when I drop them everywhere. But he has needs too. Who takes care of the caregiver? I think the most important thing is to recognize these needs from the get go. Don't wait until things get bad and then have to fix a situation. Know that we are all human and we all need to be fed physically, emotionally and spiritually. Figure out what does that for your caregiver, work with them, don't just assume.  For my husband we have identified different levels of nourishment. Regular, weekly feeding actually comes to him through service. This might be in the form of serving at our local homeless shelter or on their outreach team or for our church. Usually it's some combination thereof. And we're not talking an hour or two on a Saturday afternoon, he needs to serve about 10-15 hours a week to feel filled up.  In addition, he needs periodic breaks away from it all. He does this in the form of solo hikes out in the woods, usually on th