Living on God's Spoons

 

Whoever speaks, let it be with God's words. Whoever serves, do so with the strength that God supplies, so that in everything God will be glorified through Jesus Christ. To him belong the glory and the power forever and ever. Amen.  1 Peter 4: 11

I’m coming off of a beautiful, but very full weekend. God carried me through for sure! I definitely felt His strength enabling me to entertain, visit, pack, unpack, repack, etc. It was well beyond my usual capacity for activity and He provided. I anticipated that this week would be one where I would be recuperating, and that has proven very true. I have woken up each morning bone-weary exhausted. The pain has been intense. Was it worth it? Absolutely! Would I do it again? In a second!

Over the last few years I’ve been learning about the SpoonTheory and incorporating its principles into my life. I’m constantly aware of how much energy I have and how much will be required of me in the rest of my day. I’ve had to learn to say, “No” to good things, things I would very much like to do. I’ve had to learn to sit down for conversations when everyone else is standing. I’ve had to incorporate naps into my routine as much as possible. I’ve learned a certain laugh my husband has when I tell him my plans that immediately makes me rethink them because, let’s face it, he’s usually right. But as I look at these verses I wonder, am I working too hard to do things in my own strength? Am I not depending on the Lord? How will He be glorified if all I do is in my carefully apportioned energy?

(My son even got a tattoo of a spoon to remind him of me)

Consider Luke 14:28-30. 

"Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won't you first sit down and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule you, saying, 'This person began to build and wasn't able to finish.' "

I believe that God has given us all we need for life and godliness (2 Peter 1:3). He gave me the energy I have, and a mind to budget it. I firmly believe He was the One who introduced me to the Spoon Theory in the first place. He expects me to know my limits and not embark on a project far beyond them unless He has called me to it or it is outside of my control. It is in those circumstances that I need to lean on Him and trust Him for the strength that is not my own, that is the strength that I experienced last weekend. Next week I have two full days in the hospital in The City doing neurological testing that is likely to be thoroughly draining, beyond what I’m capable of on my own, but I have to do it. I am trusting God for the strength to get through it. But when I asked my husband if we could attend a gala dinner out of town, three hours away, the next day, he gave me that laugh, and I knew.

Here's the Thing: Everything I do is in God’s strength. Getting out of bed this morning felt like I needed God’s strength to do it. But how can anyone outside of myself see that? How can I glorify God by operating in His strength when I require His strength just to operate on the fringes of normal? 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Next Crazy Thing

Image
Buckle in! This is a processing post so it is likely to be long and wordy and emotional and probably flawed in many ways. I thank you for your patience and anyone who makes it to the end gets bonus points in my book 😏.  Let's start with the info. I've been having progressively more intense, more frequent, and longer lasting migraines. Since my eye surgery in May, I've also been experiencing a great deal of nausea, almost daily. Sometimes meds help (with either), sometimes they don't. In addition, since the eye surgery, my double vision has intensified. My depth perception is shot, I'm regularly missing things I grab for, mistaking curbs for cracks in the sidewalk, bumping into walls or counters. Those are the three things that neurosurgery told us to watch for with regards to the shunt functioning properly: headaches, nausea, and vision changes. Now the vision changes were probably because of the surgery and the nausea was probably  because of the migraines, but th
Read more

At least it's not bad news

Image
  Radical tumor removal is not always possible because of the critical brainstem or diencephalic locations of some tumors. Tumor progression and eventual death are likely in such patients. Stereotactic radiosurgery for pilocytic astrocytomas part 1: outcomes in adult patients Kano et. al.  So my posts are usually preceded by a scripture verse, often an encouraging one. Today I needed to give you an insight into what I've been experiencing. From the time I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, about a year and a half ago, I was reassured that it was a "WHO grade 1 benign" tumor. I, mistakenly, took this to mean that it wasn't a big deal. Even when I was told in June that it had grown "slightly," I thought that meant they'd zap it with radiation and that'd be the end of it. Guess what, I was wrong. When my June MRI revealed growth, I was referred to the Tumor Center for treatment. Fearing a long, drawn-out process, I was relieved when they scheduled all my
Read more

When "Wait and See" Wouldn't Sound so Bad

Image
    Ten days after I received the call letting me know that they found something on the MRI I was sitting in the office of a Neurosurgeon.  I have no doubt that God orchestrated the circumstances that had brought me there, including a friend who is also dealing with a brain tumor recommending this clinic. But how could any of this be real? Only a couple of people knew what was going on, but there wasn't much to know before this appointment. All we had were a few key phrases on the MRI Study Result and our dear friend, Dr. Google.  I went into the appointment with the impression that the doctor would either recommend watching and waiting, doing another MRI in six months and seeing if anything changed, or taking it out right away.  In previous encounters where the option was to wait or do something I have vastly preferred doing something, but this time it was different. I had read about the potential complications of surgery and I was scared.  Not to mention, needing to act right awa
Read more