Show Up

For we are his creative work, having been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so we can do them.  Ephesians 2: 10

I’m a planner, a thinker, a preparer. When I go into a situation, odds are that I’ve experienced it at least a half a dozen times in my head already. When I go to a restaurant, I usually already know what I’m going to order before I get there. I’ve always been tasked with the role of a coordinator or an administrator. I organize and put people on teams. I plan schedules and put together meal plans. I write out my shopping lists based on the departments in the store and the order we usually visit them.

So where, in all this, do I leave room for the work that God has prepared beforehand for me to do? You see, I’m not the only one planning around here. He’s been planning all this since before the beginning of time. He’s not just rehearsing what might happen in His mind, He’s seen exactly what WILL happen. If I’m so caught up in my own plans, how will I ever be available for what He has perfectly planned for me?

I think that sometimes it has had to happen the hard way. At times, God has had to interrupt my plans, to step into what I thought I was “supposed to do” so that what was really supposed to happen could. I’m embarrassed to admit that in the past I’ve been pretty salty about this. I’ve even complained and thought that things had gone wrong, when, in fact, they had ultimately gone very right.

These days it has gone a step further. I just don’t have the ability to plan like I used to. I’m too tired, and my brain just doesn’t have the capacity for it. But that, too, has turned out to be a blessing. I think I’m finally learning to function more like how I was supposed to all along. Turns out, I was just supposed to show up. I’m supposed to be there, to make myself available. Yes, I still plan a little. We threw a little party last weekend to celebrate my son and his girlfriend’s graduation and I got permission from our Airbnb host, ordered food, sent someone out for drinks, and figured out how I would lay everything out. But then I let it go. I didn’t hover. I didn’t manage. I was present with my guests (to the best of my ability). At most parties I’ve thrown I’ve hardly been able to visit with anyone because I’ve been so caught up with the hostessing duties. I’ve been playing Martha, and last weekend I tried out the role of Mary (see Luke 10:38-42). It was pretty cool.

I think I need to embrace this new me. I need to be willing to show up, even if I don’t have a plan. That’s scary, but maybe that’s good for me too. I have been created in Christ Jesus for good works that God prepared beforehand so that I could do them. They have already been prepared. I just have to show up.

Here’s the Thing: Now, to be fair, I can’t take any credit for this big change. The reality is that I didn’t have a choice. I was so completely drained that I couldn’t have Martha’d my way through that party if I’d wanted to.