Preparing for Radiation: When Plans Change

 Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts.

So... Crazy week. I wrote my first post in this series last week under the impression that I had four and a half months until I would be starting radiation and I had a lot of things I wanted to do to get ready. I already have ten other posts in this series started in my drafts folder - so much to do. So much I want to take care of. And this week, well that timeline shrunk significantly. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's what happened.

 Last weekend I had an amazing time with my family. We talked a lot about radiation, and I thought more and more about it. To say I started questioning myself would be an understatement. You see, the determination to begin treatment was made based on both my imaging and symptoms. My symptoms were reported by, well, me, so that's where I started getting in my head. Did I exaggerate? Were my symptoms really as bad as I said they were? Maybe I didn't really need to do radiation. Maybe it was all in my head... Oh yeah, it kind of is 🤣

 So, what do I do when I start questioning things like that? I take it to God. I ask Him what He thinks, what He wants me to do. I ask Him to show me His path, to make things clear. It may sound crazy, but I asked Him to make me miserable, to show me clearly if I was supposed to be doing this, if my symptoms were real. Super smart, right? Ugh. You probably won't be surprised to find out that I woke up the next morning SICK AS A DOG. I was so nauseous I couldn't move, and I patted my nightstand with my arm trying to find an emesis bag (yeah, I keep those all over my house, don't you?). Some Zofran, nibbling on some light carbs, and a few hours later I was feeling human again, but this continued for the next few days. By the third day, I realized that my Zofran had actually expired a year ago. I opened my Costco app to order a refill, and it wasn't there, my prescription had expired. So, I reached out to my team at the Brain Tumor Center for a new prescription. 

 The next day, during my counseling appointment, I shared with my counselor that my husband jokingly requested that I stop praying for signs. Between my flashing neon sign and the recent, intense return of my nausea, he didn't want to see what would be coming next. At the end of our time together, my counselor asked if she could pray for me, and equally jokingly said that my husband wouldn't mind since it was her praying. This isn't something that is regularly a part of our sessions, I can count on one hand the number of times she'd prayed for/with me over the last eight years. It was so kind and wonderful to have her pray for me and ask God for the clarity we needed to move forward.

 Less than two hours later, I see an unknown phone number pop up on my phone, but lately I answer these anyways because I can't miss a call from a doctor. Sure enough, it was my actual doctor, my Radiation Oncologist, calling me. The week before, when they had called to let me know that the Tumor Board had determined that my tumor had shown progression and they were recommending radiation, one of the lower-level team members (an intern?) was tasked with calling me, twice actually. But this time my doctor was calling me herself. That spoke volumes. She called because she wanted her message to come across clearly. If I was nauseous enough to need meds, it was time to move radiation up. 

 I didn't say yes right away. There was so much that this would change. I had asked to wait until September because I wanted to go on a trip with my oldest son, the last trip on my bucket list, first. Recovery from radiation can take years, and that's IF I ever get back to where I can travel again - this trip had to happen now. My son had just returned the week before from a three-week mission trip and I couldn't see his work letting him take another trip again so soon, even if I could move our cruise up. My husband took time with my son that evening to talk it over and found out that my son had been terminated from his job two days before. Yes, you read that right. God had laid the groundwork for this. No, I don't think my son's job ended just because of our trip, I think God has huge things in mind for him and he had to be free of his old job before he could be open to the possibilities. But can you believe that God brought this all to a head THIS WEEK?!?!

 When I learned about this the next morning, I set about the crazy task of trying to cancel and move dozens of travel plans. I had to cancel flights and hotel reservations, trying to get refunds on insurance payments and Disneyland tickets (yes, that trip had to be scrapped in the process, but I'm ok with that). But, wouldn't you know it, God put it all together too. By that afternoon, everything for Disneyland was canceled, our cruise had been moved up to next month, and all of the travel arrangements to get us to Florida, stay the night before, and go on the cruise were in place. Now, I just had to see if it was all for naught and they couldn't fit me in for radiation this soon. I sent a MyChart message into my team.

 Before long, I heard back from the same scheduler I had spoken with last week, who had said it would be impossible to even begin scheduling until the next Wednesday because of complications my shunt causes. Now the scheduler had a different story, and things were being put into motion RIGHT AWAY. She put us on the books for June 2nd to do our planning appointment with the doctor, sign lots of consents, make my radiation mask, and do a simulation. With this in place, we should be able to start treatment the day after we return from our trip. Crazy, huh? 

Here's the Thing: With all these things coming together so clearly, I am much more comfortable going forward with treatment. I don't begin to know why God has me here, but I believe that He does and that He will use it for my good and His glory. And yes, I'm still nauseous. Hmm, I gotta think about how I pray for things! Turns out sometimes God answers quickly and literally!