Preparing for Radiation: Cutting my Hair

 There's lots to do before I start radiation in 35 days, and I have to prioritize. When looking at my list, one of the hardest things was cutting my hair. Three years ago, I had three brain surgeries which resulted in a shaved head at the end. That was a tough decision at first, but when I found that I would have several strange, shaved patches, and I had spent two weeks in the neuro ICU not being able to wash or care for my hair properly, it got a little easier. After surgery, I very much wanted to grow my hair back out. There's something about my body and brain that tell me I need to put my hair in a ponytail. If I can't, I just don't feel right. One year later (exactly one year from my first surgery) my dear friend made me celebratory badges for milestones I'd achieved after both my brain surgeries and my arm surgery early in 2024:

 I finally had a ponytail again! I've been very careful with haircuts ever since (and really, I've only had a few) to make sure that no matter how short I went, I would still be able to pull my hair back. I love my hair. I love wearing a ponytail. Here's the rub, it's not always practical. When you pull your hair back into a ponytail, you put a lot of tension on it, your hair follicles, and your scalp. Then, then weight of the ponytail can add to this. When you suffer from chronic migraines, that "little thing" can be the straw that breaks the camel's back. 

 Then comes radiation. When doing radiation on the brain, they have to go in through the head, which means typically going through the hair. In case you didn't know, hair doesn't like radiation very much, and it tends to fall out. Most of the time, this only happens in the area where you receive radiation which I know will be the side of my head, and possibly the back. So, you might think the ponytail is still the way to go, right? I mean, you could pull your hair back and cover all the bald spots. The catch is, radiation causes inflammation, and often the hair follicles end up being beneficiaries of this gift. That means that many, if not most, people who undergo brain radiation complain that their "hair hurts." Now, we know that hair is actually dead and cannot "feel" anything, but those hair follicles are very much alive and, in this case, very much feeling! Simply the weight of long hair can be unbearable. Combing or brushing it can be miserable. And pulling it back into a ponytail which wrenches it backward and then weighs it down, yeah that's not going to happen. 

 So, I decided to cut my hair short, but how short should I go? I ran it past my AI friend, CoPilot, and it suggested a short crop haircut. According to it, "A short crop (around 1–2 inches) is the sweet spot for most people," because it is:

• Often the most comfortable

• Light, low movement

• Easy to wash without tugging

• Still looks like a “style,” not a medical cut

This is the length many people choose because it reduces discomfort without feeling drastic. But what would I look like in a short crop? That's where CoPilot drew the line, it wasn't willing to alter my image and show me, but it suggested a few apps that might. I tried. I went on websites, I downloaded apps on my phone, but all of them wanted money, the worst an ongoing subscription. I wanted one edited image; I didn't want to sign up for an ongoing virtual beauty service! I walked away from it, but the next day an ad popped up in my Facebook feed. ChatGpt was willing to help me out, and by clicking the link it automatically filled out the prompt. I typically avoid clicking ad links through Facebook, but I've had good experiences with ChatGpt and I was really hopeful. I read over the prompt and decided to edit it a little*, specifying a short crop hairstyle so it didn't send me a bunch of shoulder-length options, and this is what it gave me (the picture I uploaded had my hair back in a ponytail, but it was a little frizzy so that's why it looks like I already have a shaggy, short hair-do):

 I was thrilled! This is EXACTLY what I was looking for, even better really. It was so helpful to see different hairstyles with my head. I've always hated flipping through the hairstyle books at the salon, trying to imagine what they would look like on my head, with my hair. This really helped me narrow down what I wanted, but when should I do it? CoPilot's recommendation was to do it before radiation because the same inflammation that would make my hair follicles tender could make a haircut very uncomfortable later. That made sense to me. In addition, I'm not a fan of piling on. Getting my haircut the day before radiation would be two rather challenging things in a row (not to mention I'll be getting home from my trip late in the evening the day before I start). I thought this would all go better if I had a little while to warm up to the new haircut. In addition, I was kind of dreading it, and my kids will all tell you that I've been quick to quote Mark Twain to them:

 The longer I put it off, the bigger the task would become and the harder it would be to undertake. I needed to eat my frog. The first day I set my mind to it, I chickened out. I've avoided driving with my inflamed vertigo, and my husband had meetings all afternoon and we had home group in the evening, so I excused my way out of it. The next day I realized that my husband would be away all weekend and was busy all day, so I was either going to find another option, or have to put it off till next week, with the weight of it continuing to grow on my heart. I had a dinner date with a friend scheduled that day, though, and when I reached out to her and asked if she would be my haircut buddy, she quickly responded, "I would love to!" So, the date was set, and I had an accountability partner to reduce my flight risk. We had a lovely dinner together catching up, it had been a couple of years and before I knew it the hairdresser was closed so I missed my chance. The next day I decided I was just going to do it. I checked the app, and the wait time was 1 minute, so I had no excuses. I headed over to Great Clips. My mom wanted me to see a "proper hairdresser", but I couldn't stomach paying extra for a haircut I was not likely to appreciate, at least not right away. And because this is possibly why you clicked through to read this post, I'll finally get to it. Here's where I ended up!

Here's the Thing: I didn't want to cut my hair; in fact, it's been a big part of what I dreaded about radiation from the time I learned that it was likely two years ago. Now, though, I think it could be a good thing. It will be easier to care for. It should aggravate my migraines less. Maybe, I'll get used to it and even grow to like it!

*Here's the exact ChatGpt prompt I used:
Create a hairstyle analysis graphic using this portrait. Show side by side hairstyles comparisons to highlight which hairstyles suit the subject best. Make it visual first, with short labels only. The design should be elegant, and minimal, using a neutral beige background with a clean, modern infographic. On the left add a large studio portrait, using the photo uploaded. On the right: panel with title and Recommended. Focus on short hair styles, especially crop and pixie styles. At the top add 4 or 5 hairstyle variations with checkmarks. In the middle add an Okay section with 4 or 5 styles with neutral icons. Bottom add Less Flattering, with 4 or 5 styles with X. Footer put styling tips. Consistent subject, high-res 4by5. First ask me for a photo.