Finding Some Alone Time

 

 When I was a young mom of 1, then 2, then 3, then FOUR kids, quiet time and personal space was non-existent. That didn't change my nature as an introvert and my need to be renewed and replenished through time alone. My incredible husband recognized this and, after my last baby was weened, sent me on my first solo trip. It was just a weekend at a local bed and breakfast, but oh how it replenished my soul! I had gone on a women's retreat the year before that was intended to do the same thing, but although I was surrounded by loving people whom I genuinely liked, I was still surrounded with people! I hadn't yet gotten to know myself, what worked and what didn't, what I truly needed. 

 A year after that I went on another trip, a soul-searching one. I have dozens of journals from my youth and young-adulthood and I brought them all with me to reflect on who I was, how God had made me, and what He was wanting me to focus on in life. This was all in anticipation of bringing my daughter home soon from Liberia, but at the time I had no idea how soon! My husband decided that the time alone trips were a good idea and that he should take one too. He popped up to Victoria, a favorite vacation spot of ours, and within a week after he got home, our endless waiting to hear from the adoption agency was over, it was time for him to go get our girl! 

 I went on a few more trips like this over the years, sometimes to a bed and breakfast, sometimes to our beach house, once we had it. I even ventured as far as Palm Springs to stay at one of my favorite resorts by myself. I found that my time alone was never truly alone. It was in those places that the noise around me quieted for a brief moment, and I could truly connect with my Heavenly Father. Don't get me wrong, I adore my family. I miss the noise of a house crowded with children. But God gave me these little respites in order to maintain the level of parenting I tried to achieve and the focus on the quality and love in our marriage. 

 Fast forward to the fall of 2022. I had been researching, as I am prone to do, our 25th anniversary trip to Walt Disney World and a cruise departing thereafter from Orlando's Port Canaveral, and I just couldn't wrap my head around Disney World's transportation system. Their website said one thing, but so many other sites said it was out of date since Covid, and even with all the various sources, I just couldn't piece together how it worked or how to use it. My fly-by-the-seat-of-their-pants friends (and family) would have just shown up and figured it out in the moment and been fine. In fact, they probably would never have worried about it before hand to begin with! But me, I wasn't going to get a good night's sleep between October and February if I didn't get this sorted 🤪. I'm a strange one, I know. So, I did the only thing I could think of, I flew down there to figure it out for myself. Now, this sounds a little extreme, but keep in mind that I didn't have to pay for airfare thanks to the generous benefactory of my daughter and her flight career, and so I really was just paying for a couple of night's lodging at the cheapest resort hotel, at just over $150 per night. That's right around or less than I would have spent at a bed and breakfast, so really, not a big splurge. It was, however, my first solo trip out of state! As I was planning it, an opportunity came up to tack on a 3-day cruise out of Port Canaveral for only $215, unheard of in the solo-cruise market. I couldn't pass it up, and I tacked on first solo-cruise and first inside cabin to my trip adventures. No one read my blog back then, so you might be interested in going back and seeing what I had to say about it in the moment.

 After my brain surgeries, I was itching to travel again, and I hadn't had time alone in 18 months, like seriously, I hadn't been alone for more than an hour or two in a year and a half. I was twitching. We decided that it would be best for me to try solo travel in a familiar way so I booked a cruise on a ship I had already been on, to destinations I had already visited, out of a port I was very familiar with. IT WAS FABULOUS!!! Best solo trip ever! It was one of those crazy situations where EVERYTHING seemed to work out for me. I won prizes and received upgrades left and right. I had a wonderful time, and I was so happy about it that I turned around and booked another solo cruise, but this time across an entire ocean.

 This last January I left out of Miami and sailed across the Atlantic Ocean, visiting ports up the coast of Europe until I landed in South Hampton, England. Again, I had an absolutely wonderful trip, but I found about halfway through that I really missed my family, and my dogs. The dogs were definitely second. So I started to identify the healthy boundaries of solo travel for me. A long weekend is fine. 5-7 days is ideal. Beyond that starts to get uncomfortable. Now, uncomfortable isn't always bad, but it's good to know.

 Going forward, I can see myself enjoying more solo travel because I like it, but also because my husband may not have a job like he's had the last few years where he can pick up and work from anywhere. My desire to travel may exceed his PTO, and if I keep working on my points and miles learning, I'm hoping to be able to fund these trips for very little out of pocket. 

 So, what do YOU need to know about solo travel?

Know Yourself

 First attributed to Socrates, the quote "know yourself" is the core of so much in life. When you try to operate outside of your boundaries, your callings and your abilities, the results are tragic. Do you recharge in social situations (extrovert) or do you need to be alone for a length of time to wind down (introvert)? Both types of people can benefit from and enjoy solo travel, but they will need to approach it differently. As an introvert, I sought out quiet spaces and time by myself as much as possible. I put in ear buds to make it clear I was not interested in conversation. I dined alone, and I liked it. If I were an extrovert, I would have taken advantage of the solo traveler meet-ups every day (no, they're not just for people looking to date) and their group dinner reservations. I would have booked excursions in the ports that allowed me to interact and socialize with others. I would have shown up for the twice-hourly events in the atrium designed to entertain and engage. Really, it's about knowing who you are and what you need.

Know Your Limits

 One of the downsides of solo travel is you don't have anyone else looking out for you. If you overdo and get yourself in a pickle, there's no one to swoop in and rescue you (yes, I've appreciated my husband's chivalry in this area before!). You need to know if you can handle the 2 miles of walking the shore excursion requires. You need to know if you can navigate back and forth across the ship to get food, otherwise you need to reserve a room close to where you like to dine (the buffet or the dining room). There's a dozen (or more) other things that could come into play, but the key here is to know what your limits are and plan accordingly.

Know the Cost

 Solo travel typically costs just as much as couple travel. You pay the same price for a hotel room whether there's one or two people in it. You pay the same price for a cruise room as well, they just don't tell you that when you're searching unless you purposefully go into the filters and select "1" for the number of guests. Otherwise they show you the per-person price for a double occupancy cabin, or about 50% of the cost. You don't have to pay the port fees and taxes for the second person, but you price will still be pretty much doubled. How do you get around this? Sales and solo cruise discounts. Some lines have what they call "Solo Cabins" that are designed specifically for one person and priced accordingly. Some lines offer solo cruise discounts where they will charge you less than double, but not necessarily the same per-person price you'd find for a double occupancy. In my experience, though, your best price is usually going to be in the discounted fares that they don't publish on a list. When I traveled on both of my last two solo cruises, I was in a regular room because it was less than a single studio, and twice the size. You're most likely to find these prices on last minute cruises (those happening in the next 90 days) because the cruise lines discount rooms that have not sold before the standard final payment date. You can go onto the cruise line's website and try searches that way, or you can use a tool I really like called Cruise Plum. I love this search engine for a lot of reasons, but a few of those include that it will crawl the web specifically for solo prices and it includes taxes, port fees, AND tips in the "total price" field so you really see what the cruise will cost you. It also allows you to sort by the "Price per Day" so you can see that the $114 one-day cruise is not nearly as good of a deal as the $900 19-day cruise! And yes, those are prices that I saw today for solo cruises. In addition, Cruise Plum isn't trying to sell you anything, they are not a travel agency. If you click on "More Info and Book" at the bottom of their cruise info page, it sends you directly to the cruise line's website to book there. Speaking of the cruise info page, it's a wealth of information including the price breakdown for different room categories, the historical price of the fare since it was listed, flight information to get to and from the ports and lots of information about the ship. For data-loving people like myself it's a wonderland!

Here's the Thing: Solo travelling isn't for everyone. Again, you have to know yourself and know your limits. If it's your first trip, pick something shorter and closer to home, unless you know that means you will psych yourself out and come home early! But I think it's a very fun, restorative practice for many people. No, it's not free, but keep following me here to find ways to make it almost free!