Salty Zebra

I would love to be able to say that I take pleasure in my weakness (2 Corinthians 2:8-10), shine bright for all to see (Matthew 5:16), and count it joy to navigate trials (James 1:2). However, in reality, I am fine. I am neither here nor there and neither happy nor sad. I reside somewhere in the middle. I remain steadfast to NOT reside in the muck, sitting and wallowing in the suck. Too often I focus on what is going wrong; an illness, financial crisis, relationship struggles, disorganized environment, or uncertainty.  I find myself doubting my ability to navigate my circumstances, provide value to those around me, or measure up to my own expectations. If I could only stop making mistakes, stop being selfish, and stop being lazy. I want to contribute more, feel more, and be more. And yet, I really am enough, even when I am barely hanging on taking care of myself. There are times in our lives where what we need to do, what is best to do, is not what we want to do. I want to

Warning : this entire blog post was created using speech to text on my phone. I am unable to read it, so please forgive any typos. I've always seen myself as a glass half- full type of person. So, because I've struggled quite a bit emotionally and physically since surgery, I didn't feel like I had anything of value to say here. I've had so many people comment on my positive attitude with everything going on, that it became a source of pride. If I couldn't come up with some way to put a positive spin on my situation, then I had no business writing a blog post. The fact is, recovering from brain surgery is really hard. You feel helpless, and hopeless. Those around you try really hard, so you try to fake it until you make it. I'm in a pretty low place this morning, so the rough honesty is coming out. Today, I like to share about my time in the hospital. Monday, the 24th, we headed up to the hospital bright and early. There were very few people scheduled

This post has been on my heart for a long time. I've tried to write a few update posts lately and I just couldn't finish them. My last post before I go into surgery needs to share with you WHY I have confidence that I am exactly where I should be and that God is putting it all together perfectly.  This is my confidence in Christ: 1 Peter 3:15-16a NLT - Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. My Jesus Anne Wilson Are you past the point of weary? Is your burden weighing heavy? Is it all too much to carry? Let me tell you 'bout my Jesus Matthew 11:28 NLT Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Do you feel that empty feeling? 'Cause shame's done all its stealing Psalms 34:5 NLT Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken

         Have you ever read the story of the Exodus, where God led His people out of slavery in Egypt and brought them to the Promised Land of Canaan?  If you haven't, you can get a high level overview from this video .  In short, the Israelites were freed from slavery and headed out to cross the wilderness of the Sinai peninsula to reach the land that God had promised them.  The distance between these two places was about 700km, or about 430 miles.  Even with the large group they were dealing with they should have been able to reach their destination in just over 40 days, but instead, it took them 40 years!  You see, along the way the people needed to learn some very important lessons.  God knew that the best path for His people wasn't a straight line, but rather a circuitous route like the one pictured above.     Why do I bring this up?  If I'm being entirely honest, there's more than a little of those original Israelites in me too.  God knew far before we did that I

      Last Monday felt surreal. My husband and I kept saying it over and over the whole week.  I was supposed to have been undergoing brain surgery and then spending the week in the hospital, but instead I was home, with no idea what would happen next.  I had been told on Saturday at the Emergency room that I would receive a call from the Oral Maxillofacial Surgery Clinic ( OMFSC) on Monday and they would schedule me to be seen that day or the next. I was also told that the Neurosurgery clinic would contact me sometime this week to reschedule my brain surgery.  I received the OMFSC call before 10 am (the time at which my husband had said he would call if they hadn't) and was given an appointment for Tuesday afternoon. Yes, I asked, and no, they didn't have anything sooner.  More disturbing was the call I got from neuro saying they were looking at early May to reschedule the brain surgery.  That was really difficult to take.  First they tell me that the tumor is in a dangerous s

    The ten days leading up to my surgery date were full and challenging. We left very early Friday morning to drive across the state and share the news of my brain tumor with my brother and my middle son.  Our hope was to fly, but they were all full.  I think the drive was good for us though.  The mountains were absolutely beautiful. Snow, frozen waterfalls and lakes, everything seemed intensified, even more beautiful than usual.  As I sat in my brother's home that afternoon with him and his wife, knowing that I had to share soon, butterflies filled my stomach.  I couldn't believe how nervous I was. My heart was racing and I had trouble catching my breath. Finally my husband signaled me that I couldn't wait any longer and I needed to get it over with so I prefaced it with a request for secrecy regarding what I was about to share until all of my kids had been informed and then shared the news.  They were understandably shocked, but very loving and supportive.  We enjoyed th

    Ten days after I received the call letting me know that they found something on the MRI I was sitting in the office of a Neurosurgeon.  I have no doubt that God orchestrated the circumstances that had brought me there, including a friend who is also dealing with a brain tumor recommending this clinic. But how could any of this be real? Only a couple of people knew what was going on, but there wasn't much to know before this appointment. All we had were a few key phrases on the MRI Study Result and our dear friend, Dr. Google.  I went into the appointment with the impression that the doctor would either recommend watching and waiting, doing another MRI in six months and seeing if anything changed, or taking it out right away.  In previous encounters where the option was to wait or do something I have vastly preferred doing something, but this time it was different. I had read about the potential complications of surgery and I was scared.  Not to mention, needing to act right awa