Salty Zebra

  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .  Today I head into the City for my first radiation treatment. I'll write a post for next Monday to tell you all about it, but I don't know yet what that's going to look like, so today I'm going to write to you about Zora. I would super  appreciate your prayers as I head into treatment though!  When you're going through something hard, it's nice to have a buddy, a friend, someone who will be with you through thick and thin, someone who can even come into the room with you during a radiation treatment, in other words, a stuffy. My husband first suggested it shortly after we found out that my treatment was being moved up . We've taken a small stuffed animal with us on ...

  But this I call to mind; therefore I have hope: The LORD’s loyal kindness never ceases; his compassions never end. They are fresh every morning; your faithfulness is abundant! “My portion is the Lord,” I have said to myself, so I will put my hope in him.   Lamentations 3:21-24  Humanity, as a whole, likes to put things into boxes of good or bad. Love, peace, joy; those are good. Hate, anger, pain; those are bad. But are they? If God made them all, and uses them all for His perfect plan and purpose, cannot all things be good?   This morning, I’ve been reflecting on the fact that, these days, people are quick to attribute blessing to God, but when it comes to suffering, at most they say, “God allows it.” They would not be willing to say that God could or would cause us harm. I wonder, though, if this is something we have devised for our own comfort instead of it being strictly biblical? Today our reading was Lamentations 3, written by the prophet Jeremiah as he w...

  My eyes are worn out from weeping; my stomach is in knots. My heart is poured out on the ground due to the destruction of my helpless people; children and infants in the town squares. Lamentations 2:11  The consequences of sin are devastating. We live in a fallen world. That means that all of the world is subject to the effects of sin. It’s not just the person who sins that deals with its consequences, but everyone that person interacts with, everything that person interacts with, in a ripple pattern. And because ALL have sinned ( Romans 3:23 ), this is a global, universal phenomenon.   Today’s verse deals with the situation in Jerusalem at its fall to Babylon. There were evil people who had done evil things in the city who were experiencing their just reward, but there were also regular people who had committed regular sin that also fell under judgement. On the one hand, sin is sin and there are not supposed to be tiers to it as far as I can tell biblically, but we...

Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .  I don't know why, but with me, there's always a catch. Before my brain surgery, I ended up with a horrifically painful sinus infection that blew out the back wall of my sinus, leaving tiny pieces of bone floating in my head, and preventing me from getting the surgery that was critical to my survival. Turns out, it's not a good idea to perform brain surgery on someone with an active head infection 😬. That delayed my brain surgery for a full month, and it weighed heavily on my mind as I approached radiation therapy and, yet another, bizarre, unexplained complication arose.  I've struggled with scalp issues for months, I don't know why. Perhaps it came from reverting to comme...

  Is it nothing to you, all you who pass by on the road? Look and see? Is there any pain like mine? The LORD has afflicted me, he has inflicted it on me when he burned with anger. Lamentations 1:12  Oftentimes, when someone faces a season of challenge and tribulation, they are asked by others if there is some sin in their life for which they might be being punished. I think there are two reasons for this. First, the one asking would like to see that there is something different between them and the person experiencing trial, something that keeps them safe and prevents trouble from coming their way. This gives them the comfort that as long as they are obeying God, they won’t have to deal with whatever they see their neighbor going through. Second, they may genuinely want to help and think that by removing sin from your life through confession you may be restored from your problems. It’s a classic example of “Us and Them,” of trying to separate yourself from trouble by seeing ...

  But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation.   Psalm 13:5  When do you celebrate God’s deliverance? Do you wait until you see and experience it, or can you celebrate now, in the midst of the suffering, knowing that God has it all under control and He will make it all right? This morning I was confronted with two different versions of Psalm 13, which spoke two different sides of this approach to me.   First, I read the NET version. The last two verses are, “But I trust in your faithfulness. May I rejoice because of your deliverance! I will sing praises to the LORD when he vindicates me.” In this version, it sounds like the psalmist, David, is hoping to rejoice in God’s possible deliverance, as if he is promising to praise God IF He delivers him. But the NIV was totally different.   “But I trust in your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in your salvation. I will sing the LORD’s praise, for he has been good to me.” I trust. My he...

  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .  From the time I was given my setup appointment for June 2nd, my husband and I felt like a clock was ticking. On the one hand, we felt like we would get more information at the appointment, including a promised schedule. On the other hand, this appointment would start to make it all real, and it certainly did! I think I came out of it feeling a little shell-shocked. For those interested, and perhaps those who might come after me and want to know for themselves, I'll walk you through our day.  As per usual, we arrived for my appointment about an hour beforehand. My husband is a big proponent of being early! I factored this in, though, and packed us a lunch to eat since my appointment time w...

  The sacrifice God desires is a humble spirit – O God, a humble and repentant heart you will not reject. Psalm 51:17  When we realize that we’ve done something wrong, we want to make it right. We want to “fix it.” At least I do. I hate sitting in that state where I am confronted with my sin and feel helpless to do anything about it. The problem is, sometimes there is nothing to be done. The cat is out of the bag, the toothpaste is out of the tube, and there is nothing humanly possible to be done to reverse it.   I think about this often with my parenting. I tried so hard to be a good mom. I prayed. I learned. I sacrificed. But no matter how much effort I put into it, I am still human, and I still had terrible failings, ones I am desperately ashamed of. I have spoken to my kids about this, confessed my wrongdoing and asked their forgiveness. They were kind and ready to give it, and yet I do not feel absolved.   This psalm says in verse 4, “Against you, and you ...

  Why, Lord, do you stand far off? Why do you hide yourself in times of trouble?   Psalm 10:1  Have you ever planned a surprise birthday party for someone? A common part of this is pretending. Pretending you did not remember their birthday. Pretending like nothing special is planned or going to happen. The person in question may wonder if you even care about them, if their special day matters to you at all. And then, at just the right time, everything comes together and all their friends and loved ones pop out and yell, “Surprise!” All at once, they no longer feel unseen and unloved, instead they are surrounded by joy and affection.   Sometimes when we are in the midst of trouble, it’s hard to see where God is at in it. Why is He allowing you to suffer when He is fully capable of fixing everything in the blink of an eye? The thing I think we are missing in this situation is perspective. Joni Eareckson Tada once said, “Perspective is everything when you are exper...

  Over the next few weeks, I'll be sharing regular posts about how I'm preparing for radiation. I'm hoping these can help someone else, as I struggled to find a conversational source like this that dealt with the subject. For more information on my brain tumor, check out these posts .    When I learned that I had about four and a half months before I started radiation therapy, I wanted to take advantage of every opportunity to both do the things that were important to me, like my trip with my son, and prepare for the road ahead. They tell you a little about what to expect, but treatment hits every person a little differently so they can't say much for sure. My primary symptoms associated with my tumor (I have lots associated with other illnesses but we're hoping they won't be affected) are nausea and vertigo. My doctor has warned me that these will likely increase as treatment progresses because radiation causes inflammation to the area of the tumor, effectively...