Praying God's Wisdom: Dreaming Dreams

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But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.“ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 1 Corinthians 12:9

 Have you ever given God a wish list of how you think He should use you in this world? Almost like a resume, have you said that you are really good at certain things and would really shine if He gave you an opportunity in a certain area? I know I have.

 In my young adulthood I wanted to be a missionary. Many people in my family have done this for generations and I’ve dreamed about it since I was a child. I’ve read missionary biographies, sat on the edge of my seat during missions presentations at church, sought out opportunities to visit with missionaries, everything I could think of. I prayed, oh how I prayed! I went on a couple of short-term mission trips which taught me so much and blessed me abundantly, but the door never opened for anything more long term.

 I homeschooled my kids for 15 years and we participated in a variety of co-ops and programs. I always thought I’d do a great job at coordinating one of these groups. I love organizing and planning and having meetings with people. A few times the positions were open and I hung out conspicuously, hoping to be asked, but that never amounted to much. I did coordinate the swimming program for our PE for ten years and the youth group for our Friday co-op for a few as well, but that wasn’t quite what I was thinking I wanted to do.

 And then, once my kids had grown up, I got involved with YogaFaith. Interestingly, with this program I intentionally set out to only learn with an eye towards personal use. I wanted to get trained so that I could have a healthy, informed practice myself and I never intended to teach at all, but God had other plans. Completely apart from my ideas and expectations, I was invited to do warm-ups at a class, and then lead one. I was offered the opportunity to work at the Y teaching, and then my church opened their doors to hosting classes there as well. I ended up coordinating several teachers running classes at our church multiple days of the week. I arranged for equipment and balanced schedules. I went to church leadership meetings and interfaced with the congregation. It was everything I had hoped for in my early years, but that came crashing down in a dramatic, traumatic way.

 These days I pretty much keep to myself. At church, I volunteer to greet once a month. I write my blog. I post in our Bible study group. That’s about it. Did I have my chance at a calling and miss it, or is this where I’m actually supposed to be? This week’s study is focused on “Wisdom for Your Purpose and Calling.” In my younger days, this would have inspired dreaming. Today it brings confusion. Why am I here? What use does God have for me? I feel like I can’t do much these days, certainly nothing worthy of a “calling.” I don’t feel as though I have much of a purpose. But maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly where God wants me. Maybe, like Moses, I had to come to the place where I could recognize that it’s not about me, my skills and abilities and resume of accomplishments. It’s about God. It’s in my weakness that He can shine the brightest, and I’m not sure I’ve been much weaker – except for the few months where I was recovering from my brain surgeries, but then I didn’t even have the bandwidth to consider how weak I was! If God wants weak, I’m His woman!

Here’s the Thing: I guess I’m not all that different from when I was younger. Give me a crumb and I’ll build a dream 😂. I know without a doubt that God has worked in me, grown me, humbled me in so many important ways. I believe that I am so much more poised to serve Him and glorify Him now than I was all those years ago. That said, perhaps I need to get even weaker, even humbler, before His plan can come to fruition in me. If that’s the case, let it be so, LORD!