Praying God's Wisdom: Doing the Research

 

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things. Ecclesiastes 11:5

 I’m a researcher at heart. There is very little I take at face value. Trust, but verify. I want to know your sources. Did you just hear that on TikTok or is there an actual study to back that up? And when it comes to studies, are we talking a long-term study with thousands of participants, or a case study with one or two?

 In 2024 I faced a quandary. According to the scans, my tumor had grown by more than 20%, perhaps as much as 50%. I was being referred to the brain tumor center for further treatment because it was in a location that, at that time, was deemed inoperable. At my first visit, I met with an ARNP who would oversee my care, a neuro oncologist that would discuss chemotherapy options (there weren’t any for my type of tumor), and a neuro radiologist that would discuss radiation treatment. It was this last appointment that plunged me into the world of brain tumor research. You see, he walked into the room and said that my tumor was so rare that there was only one study done on it, but that study had a 95% survival rate, so I would be fine. Over the course of the appointment, the flaws in his logic began to surface. This study had been done more than 40 years ago, when treatment options were very different. There were only 20 participants in it, all of whom had tumors in a different part of the brain, and of those 20, only 3 had received radiation therapy. Of those three, they had lost track of one, so they don’t know what happened and don’t include that in the numbers, and one had died. So, realistically, based on this study I had a 33-66% chance of death if I pursued radiation therapy, not 5%. But 2-3 people is not a large enough sample size to really determine likely outcomes. Really, 2-3,000 would be a pretty small sample size for that.

 I went home, cracked open my laptop, and began to search in earnest. I had intentionally not looked into my brain tumor because I wanted to avoid unnecessary fear and stress, but now it seemed very relevant. I found more than 30 studies that I could get access to outside of an educational institution (which my doctor was a part of and should have access to more). And he was right, my tumor was indeed very rare. I have an adult onset pilocytic astrocytoma which make up only 1-2% of adult brain tumors, but being in the 4^th ventricle reduces the case literature to only a handful – ever. I read one study published in 2018 that mentioned it was the second 4^th ventricle case to ever be written about, and sadly, it didn’t end well. But I was able to find a wealth of information in these studies on the results of radiotherapy with adult pilocytic astrocytomas, and it painted a much different picture than he did. Even with this information, though, we were really flying blind. My type of tumor having so little information on it, because there are so few cases to get information from, put us in the uncomfortable position of having to shoot from the hip so to speak.

 Yes, I do eventually plan to get around to talking about today’s verse 😂. When I first read this verse, I started to question it, to argue with it. I’ve seen the maps on weather reports detailing the path of the wind. I’ve had ultrasounds and seen my babies developing in my womb. Does this verse still hold true today? I think so, and here’s why. Yes, they can tell us that a storm is coming, and where they think it will land, but how often do they have to revise, and rerevise that information? They make their best guesses, but they are often wrong - thus the saying, “If you want to know the weather, go outside.” And with babies, while we can tell you the “normal” course of a pregnancy and we can take a peek inside the womb with imaging, I’m not sure science has begun to figure out how it all happens. And, just like a meteorologist, an obstetrician can be wrong. They predict lots of things from birth weight to potential complications and birth defects, and they often turn out to be incorrect. My OBGYN told me that my first baby was on track to weigh 7-7 1/2 lbs. He came out weighing almost 10 ½  pounds! I was only 115 pounds pre-pregnancy, so that was a BIG BABY!

 We’d like to think we know what’s going on. We’d like to think we can predict issues and outcomes, but really, we’re just guessing. You know who isn’t? God. He saw the end from the beginning. That situation that blind sided you, that caught you completely unawares, He knew it was coming thousands of years ago, and He already had a plan in place to deal with it and use it for your good and His glory. We can trust Him, because He is the only one that can actually see all that is going on and how it will interact.

Here's the Thing: He knows how radiation treatment will affect me, He doesn’t have to guess based on a smattering of studies, and so I trust Him. I lean on Him, and not my own understanding. I don’t understand His work, why He does what He does how He does it, but I trust Him. I believe that He is good and He loves me and wants what is best for me, and further, is the only One able to bring it about.