Cruising With Depression

 Depression. It makes food taste... bland. Sunny days look... dim. Even comedians don't sound funny anymore. So, what's the point of going on a cruise if you're depressed? Here's my take on it. As with many of my other symptoms, you're going to be depressed whether you're at home or on a cruise, so you may as well be on a cruise! 

 Depression, at least for me in this season, doesn't mean that I'm miserable. It simply means that I get 40% less enjoyment out of what I'm doing. I see things differently. I experience things differently. How does that play out in real, lived experience? Well, for example, I have found that my interactions with people on this cruise haven't gone as well as I remember in the past. Negativity hits me quite a bit harder, so the lady sitting next to me at my dinner with the officers last night complaining about the temperature of her food and how long it took for dessert to come stood out much more starkly than it would have if I'd been in a better emotional state. For some reason, what people think of me seems to matter more. So, when a person standing in line next to me was griping about the people who were sitting down rather than standing in line the night before at the Latitudes Cocktail party (I was one of those people and I don't think she knew it), I felt pretty deflated. Not to mention the guy who called me a rather nasty name when I left the elevator, presumably because I had asked him about his tattoos - something I'd been told in the past was a positive thing and I was just trying to be friendly.

 I haven't had any amazing food experiences on this cruise - but neither has the food been awful. I ate at Cagney's - Norwegian's specialty steak house - the first night and my steak was... ok. Usually, it's amazing and I highly recommend it, but this visit it just wasn't great. My breakfast omelets have been pretty good, but nowhere near as good as the ones I had on MSC in September. Was that because the food is measurably different, or am I? 

 The first night I happened upon the comedy club just before a set started and there were comfy seats still available, so I popped in. It was the "family friendly" show, although I never would have brought my under 18 kids to it. I've learned in the past that the 18+ show is not for me as it usually is filled with vulgar, sexually explicit material that I just don't find enjoyable, so that's why I was targeting this earlier show. The African-American comedian focused his show on racial jokes. Not necessarily mean, and he didn't use any slurs, but certainly mocking. Self-identifying as "fat," he also went after people who are overweight and called people in the crowd out, rather cruelly. Was it funny and I just missed it? Maybe. It certainly could have been my depression that put a damper on the fun, or it could have been the death threats we've received recently from racially motivated issues. I watched the comedy/magic show a few nights later and did really enjoy that one. I didn't get the deep, belly laughs that others around me did, but I definitely laughed. Then, when I watched their big stage show, "Jersey Boys," I came away a little sad. Was that me or the content of the production that involved the backstories of singers and the challenging road they walk? Sometimes it's hard to tell what's depression and what's just depressing!

Here's the Thing: I wouldn't say my depressive episode has ruined my solo cruise that I was so looking forward to, but it definitely tainted it. There isn't a travel insurance policy that covers "I'm too depressed to enjoy a cruise" so cancelling wasn't an option anyways, but I'm glad I came. It's been a pretty restful week, which I needed. I got to eat food I didn't cook and sleep in a bed I didn't make and watch/listen to/smell the ocean outside my balcony doors. Did it fix my depression? No, but I'm coming away with some good memories and a few new good lessons.