Standing Firm in the Gospel: To Share or not to Share...

Pray also for me, that whenever I speak, words may be given me so that I will fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel. Ephesians 6:19

 I've shared on this blog about many of the diseases and conditions I face, like Elhers-Danlos Syndromes and a Pilocytic Astrocytoma brain tumor, but the one that hits the hardest, that I dread the worst, is foot in mouth disease. That is to say, I have always found myself saying the wrong thing! It's a little better here because I can think through and review what I say before it goes out to the world, but that review and editing process does not seem to function well in my brain in real time! This has been compounded as of late by my struggle with impulse control and my apparent loss of filter. I'm told this is common in women my age, so I try not to stress over the thought that the brain tumor is causing it, but I do wonder sometimes. When the importance of this is most on my heart is when I have opportunities to share about God. Really, I suppose this is always an opportunity, I just don't always see it which makes me sad. That's the thing I feel the most regret about is missing, or worse bumbling, a chance to tell someone about Jesus.

 Just this morning I was visiting with a couple on the pool deck of the beautiful cruise ship I've had the privilege of traveling on this week. As we finished up and they walked away, and panic hit me as I realized I had missed the chance to tell them the reason for my hope and joy that they had commented on. I told them about my brain tumor. I told them about the reason for my trip with my son. He said I was inspiring – he obviously had the gift of encouragement. The opening was right there, how did I miss it?

 Other times I've taken the plunge and shared my faith, but afterwards I felt like I did a terrible job of it. Perhaps I came across as too pushy or my timing was inappropriate. I'm a firm believer in relationship witnessing, where you get to know someone and let them see and experience the hope you have in Christ rather than “cold calling” door to door. I often wonder though if this has me missing chances God is giving me to share with someone I may never talk to again.

 One thing I’m fairly certain of, all of these worries and concerns are fueled by the enemy to keep me useless and ineffective. Why am I so afraid to share my faith? Why am I more worried about what people will think of me than of what God does, or their salvation for that matter? Oh how I kick myself after conversations like the one I had this morning! It would be so good for me to pray the prayer Paul describes in today's verse and to ask for that as my prayer request when people inquire!

 Dear God, I ask in Paul's words that You would give me the right words so that I can fearlessly make known the mystery of the gospel. Not just the words, but the courage and the timing. Guide me in my interactions and help me to share with others the beautiful hope You have given me. In Jesus’ precious Name, amen.

Here's the Thing: I know God is more than capable of putting things on my heart and directing me, I've experienced it many, many times. I need to find the right balance of trusting in that and staying vigilant for the opportunities He's bringing.