Standing Firm in the Gospel: A Loving Family Eph 6:1

 

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.  Ephesians 6:1

 Our early families are our first introduction into the rhythms of obeying. First we obey our parents, then God, then our husbands. At least, that’s how it often works. If for some reason we were never taught to obey as children, then learning to obey as an adult is so much harder! As we grow, these relationships change. My kids no longer have to come to me for permission to go to the mall, and I’m not putting them in time out in the corner when they step out of line. Nonetheless, I am still their Mom, and I still have responsibilities towards them and they have an admonition to honor me.

 When my kids were little and they would throw fits, I used to dream about how much easier parenting would be when they were all grown up. Oh, what illusions I had! At first, I thought that potty training would be my biggest parenting challenge, then teaching them to drive, but I had no idea what was ahead. I’ve heard parenting adult children described as having your heart walking around outside your body and it’s so true! I don’t care any less about what they do or experience, but I have so much less control or input into it. As a parent of adult children, my role has changed, but it is no less important.

 I am so blessed that when my kids bump up against life’s problems, or even more so when they experience crises, they still turn to their Dad and I for support and guidance. Because I invested in and loved on my kids while they were growing up, this is still a natural part of their experience. Are they capable of handling things without me? Most definitely! But I am so blessed to get to be a part of their adulting adventures, and I hope that they are blessed by me as well. Where did I learn this? From my Mom!

 I can’t remember ever being as close to my Mom as I have been since I’ve been an adult, and most especially since I’ve had children. I remember when we brought our first baby home my mom was there, cooking us food, cleaning up the craziness around us, and supporting me in whatever I needed. And she stuck around! She joined us on trips to the zoo, trips to Disneyland, and everything in between. When my husband and I wanted to get away together, who watched the kids? My Mom! I’m pretty sure she used 90+% of her PTO on our family for the vast majority of her career. For years (a decade?) she even took time out of her workdays each week to come to our homeschool co-op and teach classes. She embedded herself in my adult life and in the lives of my children forever. My Mom taught me that parenting doesn’t end at 18 and that you need your Mom forever.

 Do we always agree? Do we always see eye to eye on matters of faith or politics or society? No. But she has helped me to learn that I can honor my Mom and stay true to what I believe God has spoken to me. It doesn’t have to be an either-or. I think this has really helped in my relationship with submitting to my husband as well. And I see these things echoed in my relationships with my adult children. Are they doing things exactly as I would have advised? Definitely not! But even in the midst of that we can have a healthy relationship, a communication of advice without the burden of requirement in following it. They can feel safe coming to me and asking what I think because they know that if it doesn’t match up with their ideology, they don’t have to do it- and I won’t be mad.

Here's the Thing: When you are little, honoring your mother and father means obeying them when they tell you what to do. As you get older, the dynamics change, but it is no less important to honor your parents. Just as it helps you to learn not to run into the road or touch a hot burner when you’re a kid, living your adult life with your parents can be such a blessing!