Making it Work: Quality of Life
I have SO MUCH DATA about my health this year!!!! It got to be so ridiculous that I couldn't begin to make heads or tails of it, let alone use it to benefit my situation. So I asked my data scientist husband to see what he could do with it, and here's what he came up with:
Pretty impressive, eh? He made lots of other visuals as well that you can look at, and even manipulate, here. Why did I ask him to do this? I thought maybe if I looked at the data in a cohesive, visualized way, I would be able to see WHAT TO DO. I've been tracking my blood sugar, my pace points (spoons), and my symptoms for almost a year now. You'd think that if you look at the data just right, maybe if you squint, patterns would appear that would tell you, "Eat this and not that," or "Get just the right amount of sleep." But, no. Sadly, as pretty as the data visuals were, they did not illuminate the yellow brick road to better health.
They did tell me that over the last several months of trying to manage my blood sugar with diet and exercise my peak blood sugar levels have gone down, but the average and minimums stayed pretty flat. The other part it did not clarify is whether diet and exercise have just continued to lower my blood sugar peaks, or if the GLP-1 that I've been using since June made a difference. I did some labs this morning to see if there is a marked decrease since June's labs just before I started it, but there was a marked decrease in June's labs as well, so I'm not sure that will be definitive.
What do I know for sure? Keeping track of all this data is EXHAUSTING! I'm monitoring what I eat and when I move. I'm keeping track of how I feel and how I sleep. I'm stabbing monitors into my arm and pricking my finger and giving myself injections. I'm maintaining apps and spreadsheets. It's RIDICULOUS! And all of it for... well basically nothing. I can certainly say I tried! I've got lots and lots of proof of that. But even though my peak blood sugar has gone down, I'm still squarely in the Pre-Diabetic range. I haven't reversed the Pre-Diabetes, as was my intention. So, I had to ask myself, "Is it all worth it?" And frankly, I think my answer is, "No."
It looks like my Pre-Diabetes is going to run its course and it either will, or will not, become full-blown Diabetes. If it does, hopefully I will not turn out to be allergic to insulin! But I don't think that avoiding gluten free sourdough bread is going to fix anything, and all the energy and stress of keeping track of it all and avoiding perfectly good, healthy food has made many things worse. So, after much deliberation and discussion with my husband, I think I've decided to jump headfirst off the wagon. I'll let my current CGM run its course, and then I won't replace it. I'll keep maintaining weekly blood sugar checks on fasting and post prandial glucose with a finger poke. I've retired my Visible arm band, and I've stopped keeping track of everything in my Visible app.
It was not all for naught, though. I learned a great deal about myself! I learned how to better understand how I'm doing, how to pace my energy, and how to set healthy boundaries around my schedule. I learned how certain foods affect me, and what that feels like. I learned how to give myself injections and how to measure my blood sugar with a finger poke. I have lots of new skills!
Lord knows, I will likely cycle back around to keeping track of this all again when a new neurologist says, "Why aren't you keeping a headache diary" or something like that, or when I once again forget how awful keeping track of everything is and I hopelessly believe once more that if I just had the data I could fix it. But then, maybe, I will look back at this blog post and remember. Maybe I will spare myself another year of overwhelm. Maybe. Maybe not.
What was the final deciding factor? Quality of life. I say that and it sounds like us making decisions about medication for my geriatric dog. It sounds more like end of life than a decision for a middle-aged season. But the premise stands true. What is the point in doing life like that? How does the benefit outweigh the burden? I just don't see it. We'll discuss it with my doctor at my appointment next Tuesday, but I'm pretty sure the decision has been made. I'm going back to eating what doesn't make me feel miserable, but not stressing beyond that. I'm ditching the spread sheets and the tracking apps and I'll be footloose and fancy free!
Here's the Thing: Both of these approaches are good for a season, but neither will likely serve me forever. I'm entering a season of not tracking, but that doesn't mean that tracking is bad. It just means that it is not serving me today.
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