What a Pain!

 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.”  Philippians 4:6

 After yesterday’s study, you’d think that this verse would immediately draw my heart to anxiety over my husband’s job search and the future of my health insurance, but I’m focused on something much more immediate today, pain. Over the last several days my pain levels have been steadily increasing, and my standard pain management meds and techniques have been steadily less effective.

 This morning, I am at a solid 6, maybe even a 7. What does that mean? Good question. I hate pain scales. I hate when a doctor asks, “On a scale of 1-10, what is your pain at?” I have SO MANY MEMES for that! You see, everyone experiences pain differently. I’ve heard so many people say, “My pain is at a 10” or even “11.” I could never and have never said that, because on my pain scale if I’m at a 10, I’m unconscious. 10 is where my body literally cannot handle it. As I mentioned yesterday, I’ve only been there once, and I pray I never experience it again. But at the same time, I know that if I do, God is with me. He was with me in that ICU room as waves of pain washed over me, coming closer and closer together, until finally it was constant, unstoppable pain that shook my whole body. He held me in His arms and slid me into unconsciousness where He was able to work in my body to start to reverse the process. When I awoke, I could breathe again. It still hurt, but it wasn’t the same. Over the rest of the night, my pain slowly decreased until by the morning I was back to my baseline of 4 or so.

 I am never not in pain. Where the pain is, what type of pain it is, how intense it is, that all changes, but the pain is always there. Sometimes I can distract myself enough that I forget the pain for a little while, but then I realize I’ve been holding my breath or bracing with my muscles to compensate and the awareness returns. In an effort to be able to communicate or track this, I developed a simplified pain scale, something that I can refer back to when I receive the inevitable question:

2- Stiff/sore muscles

4- Bad headache/toothache

6- Sprained/twisted joint

8- Labor

10- Unconscious

 Most people have experienced the first three of these conditions so they are able to relate, and if they’ve ever watched a TV show or movie with someone giving birth they can likely surmise the intense pain that brings. Thankfully, few can relate with my “10,” but they get the idea that the pain was so intense I passed out. This helps me to communicate with those who don’t live in my body, read - everyone but me. Oh, btw, #6 isn’t a twisted ankle in a boot, it’s walking 6 miles unaided on a twisted ankle, a feeling my son’s girlfriend can very much identify with after our trip!

 So today, as I read our verse, I am not worried and seeking God’s help with the future of my health insurance, I am leaning into Him for the ability to get in the car, go to church, and greet people with a smile. But, as the verse says, I do so without anxiety. By prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, I trust Him to get me through this morning, through the afternoon, through the whole day! I can thank Him in advance for what He is doing and going to do in and through me. I can trust Him implicitly because He has never and will never leave me to do this on my own. He is with me always.

 In the same way, God was with Esther. She had lived a fair amount of life by this point, and you can be sure that she had seen God’s hand on her life. She could look back on how He provided for her when her parents died by giving her a faithful caregiver. She saw how when she was forced into the harem God put people in her life to watch over her and guide her. She was currently living as queen because of God’s hand on her, not the wisdom of the king. Through these experiences, and I’m sure many more, she was able to trust that God would work out His perfect plan in this situation as well. She, and her companions, had spent three days in prayer and fasting, laying the situation at God’s feet and thanking Him for what He was about to do. This didn’t just provide for her situation by the ask, it provided for her heart through the preparation that it entailed. When we lay our problems at God’s feet, it changes us, it alters our hearts to see our situations differently. That in itself can be part of the answer to our prayers!

Here's the Thing: I’m not anxious about my future insurance because God’s got it. I’m not worried about how I’ll get through today with my pain (not to mention the dizziness and nausea) because God’s got it. I am thankful that I can say that, that I truly believe that.