Press Pause

 

“I will instruct you and teach you about how you should live. I will advise as I look you in the eye.”  Psalm 32:8

 Humans react to danger in different ways: fight, flight, or freeze. The first two of these are obviously motion driven, but the last one I think is as well, it’s just harder to see. With freeze, it’s like you’re stuck in a whirlpool, spinning and spinning and you can’t get away. The movement is there, but it’s internal. When we react in our natural inclination, we are often bound for trouble. But what else is there? How do we get away from the way we are made?

 As we return to the story of Esther, we find her facing quite the predicament. She’s been told by her cousin, Mordecai, whom she trusts implicitly, that she is facing danger on every side. Her people have been targeted by an enemy, ironically her husband’s friend, and are destined to be destroyed. While, being the queen, she might escape this fate at first, Mordecai has told her that if she does not use the opportunity God has given her to speak up for her people, she too will be destined for destruction. But she knows that this opportunity is not without risk, great risk in fact. While her husband is a major figure in her life, she is less of one in his. In fact, after they were married, he sent out another call to have virgins gathered for his enjoyment (Esther 2:19). He hadn’t even sent for her in over a month. If I were her, I’d be wondering if he even remembered who I was. And the law of the land was that anyone approaching the king uninvited would be killed, unless he made an exception for them by holding out his golden scepter. She had no assurance that this would be the case.

 Caught in this drama, Esther seemingly reacts at first with a fight response, answering back to her cousin that he doesn’t realize what he’s asking. Perhaps some might even see this as a flight response with her trying to get away from the danger. I see Esther sitting there, listening to the messenger, frozen, like a deer in headlights. She can’t commit one way or the other, but is dumfounded by the ask. Barely able to breathe, she directs the messenger to relay to her cousin exactly what he is asking of her. I can almost imagine her sitting, frozen, in that posture until he returns.

 Only God knows exactly how Esther responded in the moment, but what we do know is what she did next. Esther responded according to her training. She didn’t make up a new strategy for approaching danger, she fell back on what her people had been doing for centuries, what her cousin and her parents before him had taught her, she prayed. And this wasn’t just a breath prayer as she walked into the throne room, she saw the swirling chaos and drama around her, and she pressed pause. She paused for herself. She paused for all her ladies in waiting. She paused for all the Jews in Susa.

 The text tells us that Susa was in an uproar over the proclamation (Esther 3:15). People were terrified. People were angry. People had no idea what to do and felt helpless in their situation. But they weren’t, and Esther pointed them back to the One who could help them all. It wasn’t her, she was just a vessel. Only God could save them from this situation. They all needed a moment to slow down and recognize that. They needed to lay their worries at the feet of their Heavenly Father. They needed to pause.

 So often in our lives, when drama hits, the treadmill starts and we just get going. We hop from one thing to the next and the next. It feels like we can’t slow down or everything will crash around us. But that’s just not the truth! That’s the lie the enemy feeds us to keep us helpless, to keep us scared and useless against him. The truth is that the whole situation is held in God’s hands, and He is in control of the timing. God wants us to come to Him. He won’t punish us for pausing to talk to Him by letting everything we think we’re holding up fall apart. Let Him hold everything for a moment, and just take a deep breath.

 I love the concept of breath prayers, of centering ourselves on God through the air He gives us. If you’ve never heard of this, the idea is that you pause, be intentional about your breathing, and pair it with God’s truth spoken in your mind– reminding yourself of who you are and Whose you are. It might go something like this:

Inhale: “I can do all things”

Exhale: “through Christ who gives me strength” (Philippians 4:13)

Inhale: “I am my beloved’s”

Exhale: “and my beloved is mine.” (Song of Songs 6:3)

Inhale: “He is the vine”

Exhale: “I am the branches.” (John 15:5)

 You get the idea. Sometimes it gets even simpler for me. It might look like:

Inhale: “Jesus”

Exhale: “I love you.”

Inhale: “Jesus”

Exhale: “I need you.”

 Or just:

“Jesus”

 For Esther, this was a three-day pause. I have a pretty good imagination and I can picture some of the things she might have struggled with in her mind through her prayers. There was probably a fair amount of, “Why me?” At different points during this time she likely hit on the fact that she was not worthy, that she had fallen away from the ideals of her people and their practices to remain true to God. I don’t know that for sure, but I’m guessing at least a little of that was true after being in the king’s court for nine years, especially when the Bible doesn’t say otherwise. I’m certain the enemy tried to trap her in guilt and shame, telling her that she was disqualified from being used by God. Praise God that’s not true though! And the proof of that was that she chose to go to Him first, that she recognized her inability to do this big thing on her own, that she knew Who the orchestrator of their deliverance would be.

Here's the Thing: Most of the time when we are faced with danger, disaster or chaos we feel like we can’t slow down, that pausing would be disastrous. But the truth is, God holds time and space in His hands. We can always go to Him. It might be a breath prayer before responding to someone. It might be a three-day fast. He will show us the kind of pause we need, and He will provide for it if we will only trust in Him!