A Word Skillfully Spoken

“Like apples of gold in settings of silver, so is a word skillfully spoken.”  Proverbs 25:11

 When to speak up and when to remain silent, that is often a key factor in how your words are taken. Walking and growing with God, maturing mentally and emotionally, has taught me much over the years. I am a very different person today than I was over 25 years ago when I began walking with Christ. I used to be much more rash and impulsive with my words, but today I’ve learned the value of listening. I used to be focused on being seen as witty or making people laugh. I felt a sense of desperation to be seen and heard, and would try to use my words to make it happen. But I’ve learned that there is a much better way. In today’s verse, we learn the value of a word skillfully spoken. A word skillfully spoken is timed well, chosen well, and received well.

I tried to picture what the author, Solomon, meant when he said apples of gold in a setting of silver and  I used Copilot to create a few images of what I came up with. 

 Timing is everything. For example, telling someone to calm down or take a deep breath when they are furious, may only serve to anger them more. But in another setting, these words could guide a person to a gentler disposition. You’re also not likely to get very far if you interrupt someone. Letting someone feel heard and allowing them to express what’s on their heart leaves room for them to hear you. And then there’s when you’re being funny. Comedic timing is crucial and means the difference between the funniest joke you’ve ever heard and a line falling flat and not even getting a chuckle.

 Then there’s the matter of choosing your words. You want what you’re saying to have the desired effect and there is much value in letting your words be few and trusting God to use them (Ecclesiastes 5:2). I’m one who tends to talk more and more the more uncomfortable I am. Maybe that’s why my blog posts are longer when I’m in a lot of pain 😂! But that’s when I get in trouble, and when I have to go back to people and apologize. It’s when I just start shooting off at the mouth and talking a lot that I say stuff I shouldn’t. When I prayerfully enter a situation, asking God to guide a conversation and use my words, then I feel a peace regardless of how it goes because I know He was in charge.

 That’s the difference. If I’m just carelessly speaking my thoughts and feelings, I’m likely to hurt someone else’s feelings because it may not be taken the way it was intended. But when I slow down and think about my audience, I’m much more likely to say things in a way that will communicate my true intention. Communication is not just about the speaker, but also the listener. If you use the word “moist” with some people (I’m looking at you, son) then everything else in the sentence is lost. They will hear nothing. But if I think of them and say, “damp” instead, I can get my point across much more effectively. Everyone has different triggers and different ways of understanding. My husband really appreciates “I” phrases and taking personal ownership and responsibility for what you’re saying. According to socialself.com, “I-statements are a powerful tool to help you express your feelings to someone else without assigning blame or making them feel defensive.” These would include statements like, “I feel” or, “I would like.”

Here's the Thing: There’s been many a time where I’d rather have a word skillfully spoken than a golden apple, whether made of gold or, well, apple. We don’t give enough thought or credit to how important communication is and how difficult it can be. Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit to guide our words, and to take the ones we mess up with and use them for His glory as well!