Shlimdazzle

Note: I asked my husband what I should entitle this post. Seeing that it's on submission, obedience and respect for your husband I couldn't very well argue with him about his suggestion.  Perhaps I've learned a lesson about what things I should ask him! 

Nevertheless, each one of you must also love his own wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.  Ephesians 5:33

 Obey your husband.  Submit.  Respect your husband.  This is what the Bible tells us, but do we accept that?

 Twenty- five years ago, my aunt invited me to join her for a women's study at her church.  They were going through the book,  A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George. I was bored and lonely at home all day with a newborn, so I accepted the invitation.  Each week they had discussion about the chapter we were to have read.  I hadn't gotten around to buying the book or reading it, but I've always been pretty good at jumping into a conversation about just about anything. The week we got to chapter 5 changed my life.  You see, chapter 5 is on submission and respecting your husband.  The other ladies in the group were livid! Our culture teaches us to submit to no one and that respect has to be earned. I was half expecting them to tear their books into pieces and burn them! Realistically it was probably far less dramatic than my memory of it, but it made a huge impression on me.  Take note of that, friends. When you have an unbeliever or a baby Christian in your group, how you present yourselves and your belief in the Scripture matters! I was so intrigued that I went out, bought the book, read it, agreed strongly with the author, quit the Bible Study, and began a relationship with Jesus.

 The verses are inarguable. The scripture is clear:

Ephesians 5:22 NET — Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord,

Ephesians 5:24 NET — But as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

Colossians 3:18 NET — Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord.

1 Peter 3:1 NET — In the same way, wives, be subject to your own husbands. Then, even if some are disobedient to the word, they will be won over without a word by the way you live,

 Yes, there are reciprocal verses about how husbands are to treat their wives, but none of them are conditional.  It doesn't say, “Respect your husband as long as he loves you,” it just says, “Respect your husband.”  It doesn't even say,  “Respect your husband if he has earned it.” You see, in a biblical economy, respect is expected regardless. That's a tough pill (thought) to swallow.

 How do we respect someone who leaves his dirty socks in the living room and farts in bed and always leaves the toilet seat up? With God’s help, that's how.  God doesn't ask us to do anything He's not willing to help us accomplish.  Need the faith to believe in Him? Done.  Need the right words to share your faith with a friend? He's got you. Need to respect your entirely human husband? He can help you with that too.  It might start by bringing to your attention little things he does well.  Perhaps an act of kindness that was unnecessary but appreciated.

 Why are we told to respect our husbands? Because men need respect like a woman needs love.  And the cool thing is, they respond to it.  When you show your husband respect, odds are he'll become more respectable.  You've likely heard the phrase,  “Act enthusiastic and you'll be enthusiastic!” I'll never be able to think of that phrase without picturing my former pastor up on stage chanting like a cheerleader 🙃. Treat a man with respect and he just might start doing things that inspire you to respect him. Either way, we are commanded by God to do this.  It was not a suggestion.

 Next we come to submit and obey.  Again, two very difficult things for humans to do.  I'm fine with obeying my husband when he does what I want him to,  thinks like me, chooses what I would. But what about when he doesn’t? What about when he wants to spend our retirement living in a tiny house village ministering to formerly homeless individuals instead of cruising around the world? Oops, getting ahead of myself… But really.  How do we submit and obey when he's clearly wrong, when we know better.  Shouldn't we just avail him off or wisdom first? I think that's when the respect comes in.  If he asked for our input, then of course we should, respectfully, give it.  But then we need to submit whether he recognizes our genius or not. 

 How do we do that? By trusting God.  Yep, in this situation, and really in every situation, it's God we are putting our trust in, not man. If God told us to obey our husbands, and our husbands ask  us to do things we think are not advisable, we have to trust God that He will work it out.  Now, just as I mentioned in this post,  if your husband asks you to do something that is contrary to God's Word, God's Word trumps husband.  No contest. This is not a mandate supporting abuse in any form. But apart from that, if he wants to paint the house chartreuse, support him in painting the house chartreuse.

Here's the Thing: Do I believe everything I wrote today? Yes I do.  Do I follow it perfectly? Definitely not! In fact, as I was writing this post, multiple times God brought to my attention where I should have respected, supported and obeyed but I didn't. I'm trying though, and by prayer and petition I will submit this request with thankfulness to God, knowing He will answer my prayer according to His will (Philippians 4:6).