Salty Zebra

       Ok, just in case there are those out there that don't know what TMI means, it stands for Too Much Information.  This post will be talking about things you might rather not know about me so here is your chance to click off and go read something more pleasant. So why am I writing it?  I just feel like NOT saying these things is being inauthentic. It's like I'm only talking about the good things and not telling it like it really is.       I've been struggling lately because I post things, and everyone says how happy they are that I'm doing so well when I'm really not.  It's not their fault though, because they don't know how I'm really doing because I'm not telling people.  That's because it involves things that are not fun to hear about or talk about for that matter.  Sometimes it's because the things are gross, other time it's because they involve more private or embarrassing areas of the body. In polite society we just don'

  Picture     So how does one live with a brain tumor?  Honestly, I'm still trying to figure that out.  My doctor seems to think that it shouldn't be a big deal.  He's like, "See you next year!" and here I am trying to understand what that looks like.  I have this thing in my brain, embedded in my Cerebellum to the point that my surgeon cannot safely remove it. It *may* be affecting my vision, nausea, balance, etc., but really, we can't know for sure.  I guess the reality is that I should just go about my business, continuing life to the best of my ability, until I bump up against the tumor.  That might look like an appointment with an MRI to check its status, like I had a couple of weeks ago, or it might be symptoms that make me question whether the tumor is affecting things. I have no way of knowing when or if that might happen, except for a scheduled appointment of course, so I have to figure out a way of living life that takes that into account.       The

It's when I'm "with" my people that I'm most acutely aware of my conditions. This week is the annual EDS conference in Dublin, Ireland which I am attending virtually. Last year was the first time I did this and it was a shocking eye opener. Hearing so many others share identical symptoms was my first reality check that I did, in fact, have EDS. My life was changed. I've had EDS all my life, but knowing it made me see everything differently.  Today I'm at the hospital for my three-month post op from brain surgery. As I sit in the prep area, waiting for my MRI, I'm reminded that I have a brain tumor. That's why I'm here and that's why I'll be back here periodically for the rest of my life. To check and see if the tumor has grown, if I have to have surgery again. Tears well up in my eyes thinking about it.  Here's the thing: There's no point in worrying, it won't change anything, but that doesn't stop the anxiet

I would love to be able to say that I take pleasure in my weakness (2 Corinthians 2:8-10), shine bright for all to see (Matthew 5:16), and count it joy to navigate trials (James 1:2). However, in reality, I am fine. I am neither here nor there and neither happy nor sad. I reside somewhere in the middle. I remain steadfast to NOT reside in the muck, sitting and wallowing in the suck. Too often I focus on what is going wrong; an illness, financial crisis, relationship struggles, disorganized environment, or uncertainty.  I find myself doubting my ability to navigate my circumstances, provide value to those around me, or measure up to my own expectations. If I could only stop making mistakes, stop being selfish, and stop being lazy. I want to contribute more, feel more, and be more. And yet, I really am enough, even when I am barely hanging on taking care of myself. There are times in our lives where what we need to do, what is best to do, is not what we want to do. I want to

Warning : this entire blog post was created using speech to text on my phone. I am unable to read it, so please forgive any typos. I've always seen myself as a glass half- full type of person. So, because I've struggled quite a bit emotionally and physically since surgery, I didn't feel like I had anything of value to say here. I've had so many people comment on my positive attitude with everything going on, that it became a source of pride. If I couldn't come up with some way to put a positive spin on my situation, then I had no business writing a blog post. The fact is, recovering from brain surgery is really hard. You feel helpless, and hopeless. Those around you try really hard, so you try to fake it until you make it. I'm in a pretty low place this morning, so the rough honesty is coming out. Today, I like to share about my time in the hospital. Monday, the 24th, we headed up to the hospital bright and early. There were very few people scheduled

This post has been on my heart for a long time. I've tried to write a few update posts lately and I just couldn't finish them. My last post before I go into surgery needs to share with you WHY I have confidence that I am exactly where I should be and that God is putting it all together perfectly.  This is my confidence in Christ: 1 Peter 3:15-16a NLT - Instead, you must worship Christ as Lord of your life. And if someone asks about your Christian hope, always be ready to explain it. But do this in a gentle and respectful way. My Jesus Anne Wilson Are you past the point of weary? Is your burden weighing heavy? Is it all too much to carry? Let me tell you 'bout my Jesus Matthew 11:28 NLT Then Jesus said, "Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Do you feel that empty feeling? 'Cause shame's done all its stealing Psalms 34:5 NLT Those who look to him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken

         Have you ever read the story of the Exodus, where God led His people out of slavery in Egypt and brought them to the Promised Land of Canaan?  If you haven't, you can get a high level overview from this video .  In short, the Israelites were freed from slavery and headed out to cross the wilderness of the Sinai peninsula to reach the land that God had promised them.  The distance between these two places was about 700km, or about 430 miles.  Even with the large group they were dealing with they should have been able to reach their destination in just over 40 days, but instead, it took them 40 years!  You see, along the way the people needed to learn some very important lessons.  God knew that the best path for His people wasn't a straight line, but rather a circuitous route like the one pictured above.     Why do I bring this up?  If I'm being entirely honest, there's more than a little of those original Israelites in me too.  God knew far before we did that I