The Wife of Noble Character

Her clothing was strong and splendid; And she laughed at the time to come. She has opened her mouth with wisdom, with loving instruction on her tongue. Watching over the ways of her household, she would not eat the bread of idleness.  Proverbs 31: 25 - 27

Over the last few years, several of my traditional jobs have become impossible for me. I no longer clean the bathrooms, and don’t really do the thorough cleaning of the kitchen that I used to. I only vacuum occasionally and sweep even less. At times, I’m not even able to do the cooking or the laundry. There have been moments where I have questioned my role in the family, my worth and value.

My husband is so gracious. When I approached him with my concerns, he shared with me that he believes my role in the family is the nurturer. I bring the softness. I help people feel loved and seen. I round out his rough edges and help the kids know he loves them too. In some ways it’s a tall order, in others, it doesn’t feel like quite enough.

Here’s the balance I’ve struck. I do what I can. I manage my spoons so that others don’t have to. I take care of things around the house to the best of my ability, and where I can’t, I am thankful for those that fill in. My daughter has taken over cleaning the stove for example. She’s home about once a month, and when she is she makes sure that the stove is sparkling before she leaves. My son at home and my husband take care of most of the dishes and they try to help with picking up too. My husband has had to take over most of the heavy cleaning, though my son handles his bathroom. While I cannot do all these things myself anymore, I am “Watching over the ways of [my] household.”

I think the key is the environment I’m cultivating. I can be stressed and miserable because I can’t do things I used to or feel guilty for needing to lean on others. Or, I can be grateful for God’s provision for me and our family through each of us and demonstrate an attitude of gratitude. I need to focus on having enough energy to focus on my loved ones, helping them to feel heard and seen. That’s so much more important than whether or not there’s dust on the curtains. At least that’s what I tell myself when I twitch each time I see it!

Here’s the Thing: Being a mom, being a wife, is so much more than a to do list. I used to see Proverbs 31 that way. Things to mark off. Now I’m recognizing that it’s more of a “vibe.” A wife of noble character watches over her household and cultivates a culture of love and respect. That’s something to aspire to!