No Spoons Left, Only Knives

    

    Let's talk about the Spoon Theory.  It was originally developed by Christine Miserandino and discussed in an article she posted at But You Dont Look Sick?  It's well-written and very helpful, but I am an incredibly visual person and I never REALLY got the spoon theory until I saw this video by Jessica Kellgren-Fozard. 

    Essentially, the Spoon Theory is a visual/tactile representation of the limited energy allotted to those
with different conditions like chronic illness, disability, mental illness and more.  One spoon equates to a unit of physical/mental/emotional/social energy as all of these are in limited supply for this population.  Most healthy people begin their day with unlimited spoons, the choices and possibilities of what they could do that day are limited primarily by the hours in it, but they're up for whatever comes their way. A person with chronic illness, or one of the other conditions, however starts the day with a limited amount of spoons, and that number changes from day to day.  It's affected by what has happened for the last week, how well you slept the night before, and what's flaring at the moment.  

    Let's say I started my day today with 12 spoons.  That sounds like a lot, but wait, it cost me at least one spoon just to get out of bed. I struggled to fully wake up for over an hour, and then once I was there I had to assess my body, attempt to put back in place any joints that had shifted out of place while I slept, and determine the safest way to get out of bed.  If I sit straight up, I'm likely to have dizziness and stabbing pain in my abdomen. If I roll to my side and press myself up, my shoulder might go out if it's not already.  If it is already out, I won't have the ability to push myself up. Sometimes is a slow roll out of bed and into all fours on the floor where I have to go through stages to get myself fully upright. I'm down to 11 spoons and I haven't even left the bedroom.  

    Another part of this wakeup process is assessing how many spoons I have to start the day and what is ahead.  If I have one or more appointments in the city, I may not have enough spoons to make breakfast or even shower.  If I have something coming up in the evening, even dinner out where I don't have to cook, I'll have to make sure to set aside rest time during the day so I can have enough spoons left for it.  More often than not, I've used most of my spoons by 1pm and the rest of the day is moot.  That's when the challenge comes in.  No, I don't have any spoons left, but there's still stuff to do.  I've got to figure out dinner for my family, scrounge up energy to spend time with my husband and kids, and I still have a fair amount of self-care that takes spoons.  I often try to rest and recoup a few spoons along the way - sometimes that works and sometimes it doesn't.  

    In desperation I will sometimes "borrow" spoons from tomorrow, pushing myself past my limits.  The result of this is that if I spent 3 extra spoons worth of energy - enough to cook and eat dinner and take care of my nighttime routine - I'll actually start the next day with only 7 spoons.  Borrowing adds interest! So the next day I'll be at even more of a disadvantage and this can only go on so long.  I have to be very careful to balance my resources, all of them.  In addition to my "spoons," I also need to balance asking for help from those around me so as not to burn them out and my financial resources - because chronic illness and disability is VERY expensive. 

Here's the thing: when you live with limited spoons, balance is crucial and challenging, but you learn to value things so much more!  If I spend an hour having coffee with you, know that you matter so much to me that I am willing to give a lot to be there. You start to really assess what activities in your life count, and you live your life on purpose. Living with spoons is Living Mindfully.