You're Not the Boss of Me!
You wake up feeling pretty good. Sure, you've got some soreness and getting out of bed takes more energy than you think it should, but you're better than most days. As you head to the bathroom, you notice a basket of towels and think, "I really should run some laundry today!" And you do. In fact, you start tackling lots of little tasks as you see them. As you clean up from breakfast you do a bunch of dishes. When you walk through the living room you see the clumps of dog fur on the carpet and grab the vacuum for a "light cleaning" that might become a little more. Then you see the sink in your son's bathroom and... Well, you get the idea. Next thing you know it's lunch time and you definitely don't have the energy your started the day with. In fact, you're noticing some of those warning signs that a flare is coming on and you're about to be down for the count, possibly for days. But you had that important dinner with friends tonight!
This was my reality for a long time. I felt like I was controlled by the whims of my body. It was like, when I have a little energy I need to use it, but if I do then I'll be punished. I would feel signs of fatigue and overdo, but my instinct was to "push through" and get whatever I was doing done. Sadly, that ended up causing me to miss out on other things that were more important to me. But we can't just ignore our responsibilities and sit around all day! Ack!
A while back, I was introduced to the concept of Pacing. This is a way of taking back control of our time, our bodies, our activities. No, it's not a guarantee that you'll feel well enough to do something, but it sure makes it more likely! You might think that this doesn't apply to you, but I have some bad news. You, too, have a chronic illness. It's called getting older. As we age, we come to find that we can't do what we used to. No matter how well you eat or how much you exercise, it will catch up with all of us!
The ideas of Pacing are simple to understand, but can be very difficult to implement. When I was a kid we used to play a game called Othello which had the tag line, "A minute to learn... A lifetime to master!" The concept behind Pacing is that you have a limited supply of energy and a list of things you want to do with it. If one outweighs the other (typically more to do) than choices have to be made. I kept living like I had unlimited energy and also an unlimited to-do list. This did not go well!
So, first, we need to take stock of realistically how much energy we have. This can be humbling. I have historically been a high commitment, busy person. I also come from a "Pull yourself up by your boot straps" culture that expects you to push through and get stuff done. I'm not going to lie, it took years, and probably the complete debilitation of three brain surgeries and a serious infection to really get my attention. I'm so glad that I have learned now that I'm not chained to the merciless whims of my crazy body!
How do you learn what your limits are? Paying attention first and foremost. How are you feeling now? After doing something, do you feel better or worse? Take stock. Write it down (your memory is NOT as good as you think!). See if patterns emerge. After doing X, Y and Z today, how do you feel tomorrow? The next day? For me, I found that I could expend energy in the morning with less consequences than in the afternoon or evening for example.
Some people are amazingly in touch with their bodies and they can just "check in" and figure this out. Others benefit from using something like a Pacing journal. Me, I'm a tough case. I get inside my head. I overthink things. I argue and "reason" with myself. For me, I needed visual, measurable data. That's why I turned to Visible*. This tool has been pivotal to me! I write more about it here, but essentially it helps you to establish a baseline of energy points that your body can reasonably spend in a day and then measures what you're doing to see where you're at on that scale. Each day you start by taking a Morning Stability Score that helps you to know where your body is at and how much it will cost you to do things that day. For example, if I get a stability score of 5, I can typically count on staying on track with my points through the day and being able to do most if not all of what I've planned. If, instead, I get a 3, I'll start looking over my schedule and prioritizing because I know that simple things will cost me more points that day.
Yep, I needed to slow down and take stock of what I knew and implement it. Like I said earlier, the concept is simple, but implementing it can be REALLY HARD. So, I started keeping track of what was different on days when my points started getting away from me. I started praying and asking God to show me what I could do differently. Now I know that, for me, if I get overheated, I literally "burn" through points. Feeling warm is a big red flag. This is especially true if I am taking a nap or being active. Sounds opposite, but my body desperately needs to recharge in the middle of most days and if I'm too warm a nap will end up costing me more points instead of adding margin to my evening. I can also go for a walk in cool Ocean Shores, WA and have it hardly cost me any points at all whereas the same time and distance walking in Panama City at 90 degrees and 90% humidity could cost all of my points for an entire day! So, lesson learned: heat = higher point cost. I also learned that those Morning Stability Scores matter. I used to try to game the system and get a better score, but I've realized now that accepting where I'm at will benefit me more. If I get a 3, or even a 2 (thank goodness I've yet to receive a 1), I actually need to plan a slower day. Even if I "feel fine" I need to cut back on my chores and just do what's critical. I also need to consider doing things like folding laundry sitting down or bringing a stool into the kitchen while I work so my body is expending less energy.
Here's the Thing: I've included a few articles at the bottom of the page if you're interested in learning more. My heart today was just to introduce you to the concept of Pacing. There's so much more that can be said, but I'm recognizing my limits and calling it a day!
Here are some sites I found helpful when researching this post. You might like them as well!
The Do's and Don'ts of Pacing With Chronic Illness: A Practical Guide - The Thriving Spoonie
10 Ways to Pace Yourself with a Chronic Illness — Chronius Health
Pacing Yourself Can Help With Chronic Pain and Fatigue
* This is a referral link that will give you $20 off your membership if you join and give me a $20 credit towards mine!
Thanks ChristyJoy, this was a good reminder to pace myself. I also need to pace how much I expect from my husband who is wonderful and willing but I need not to take advantage.
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