The Trial of Choice

 

“Nebuchadnezzar exclaimed, “Praised be the God of Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego, who has sent forth his angel and has rescued his servants who trusted in him, ignoring the edict of the king and giving up their bodies rather than serve or pay homage to any god other than their God!”  Daniel 3:28

I think this was the easiest part of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego’s walk of faith. Being thrown into the furnace required no choice on their part. They were bound by men far stronger than them and they had no choice. They could not recant, they could not do anything to save themselves. Their paths were set, all they could do was see how their choices would play out. The harder part was what came before, choosing not to bow.

For me, the walk of faith is the most difficult in the choice. Once the choice is made, following it, as long as I believe in the choice, is easy. It’s that moment of choice that trips me up more often than not. How do I know what God wants me to do? How do I know the right path?

It’s not always logical, which is hard for me. I like facts. I like numbers. But, for me, much of the time I FEEL what I’m supposed to do. I know it in my gut. All I can do to explain it is say that I believe the Holy Spirit is directing me. I would hesitate to say that I know God told me what to do unless I get a clear word from Him, because I believe there are strict consequences for people who claim that falsely. But I really think that He’s showing me a path when I feel a certain way. It is often backed up by circumstances, prayer, people coming alongside and validating it, but not always. I wish it were, but sometimes I just have to walk by faith.

I’m approaching another one of those waypoints next Monday. I go in for an MRI to check on my brain tumor. Depending on what they find they will ask what I want to do. They never tell me what to do, they ask what I want to do. The pressure in the moment is fierce and I feel like my life hinges on it and I’ll regret whatever decision I make as soon as I walk out of the office. Why do they do that to patients? Has medical liability gotten so bad that they can’t tell us what the right thing to do is anymore? Why would someone with decades of post high school education and dozens of years of experience hand me, a person with brain fog and emotionally compromised thinking a life or death decision? Ugh.

Once you get me past that point of choice, throw me into the furnace, throw me into the radiation, throw me into the chemo, throw me into the surgery, send me home to figure out my fate on my own, whatever it is, just get me past the point of choice! Send some big, burly guys to tie me up and take me wherever I’m supposed to go next. I guess you know what my prayer request is!

Here's the Thing: The choice is the walk. That’s where God meets us. That’s where we grow. That’s where we get to see what we’ve learned and how much easier it is to hear from Him than it was last time (I hope). I need to walk into that office next Monday trusting that the Holy Spirit is stepping into it with me and He’ll be ordering my steps.