The Cup of Suffering

He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will must be done."  Mat 26:42

I am not a prophet, that's my husband. He'd laugh at that, but it's true. That said, there have been a few times in my life that I knew things with a certainty. This is one of them. Don't ask me why. Maybe I'll be wrong. I'm not basing my faith on this, or saying God told me this, but I have a sense of certainty that this brain tumor is heading down a nasty trajectory. I've "known" it for a while now. I don't know what God's plan is with it, but I have no doubt whatsoever that He has a plan. I think my husband knows this too, though I think he's desperate not to know it. 

The thing is, everyone wants me to believe for healing. Everyone is always praying for my complete healing. If I told them what I believe about the direction this is heading, they'd be horribly shocked and disappointed in me.  Whenever someone prays for my healing, as nice as it sounds and as much as I'd like to believe it, it just doesn't sit right. It's not that I don't believe God can do it, I totally do! But sometimes God has a BETTER plan than healing. Sounds crazy, right? 

What could be better than healing? The salvation of all my children. I'd give up my health and my life in a minute for that. Maybe the salvation of others beyond them. A testimony that could spread and last. That is better than healing. Look at Joni Eareckson Tada.  If God had answered her prayers for healing, she never would have had the ministry she has and thousands and thousands of people would be worse off. Here's a video she made that I've watched multiple times that has really spoken to my heart:


I don't begin to aspire to have the influence that Joni has had, but I don't limit what God can do either. What He has planned to do through me, I submit to. I recognize that it might be difficult, horribly so in fact. But I know without a doubt that He will be with me every step of the way. Not for a moment will He leave me alone in it. And if He's with me, I can do anything! 

I have a VERY active imagination. Sometimes it rather gets away from me. In this case, I have thought of a few worst-case-scenarios that would be rather difficult to cope with. I think I had a little help coming up with them. Our enemy likes to torment us and make us think we're not up to the challenge before us. But you know what, it's just not true. There is absolutely no scenario that God can't get me through. Will it be hard? For sure! But NOT impossible. 

Jesus looked at them and replied, "This is impossible for mere humans, but for God all things are possible."  Mat 19:26
He said, "Abba, Father, all things are possible for you. Take this cup away from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will."  Mar 14:36 
He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if this cup cannot be taken away unless I drink it, your will must be done."  Mat 26:42
 
Here's the Thing: I know that there are those who will read this and scoff, or maybe even be upset with what I've written. I assure you, I did not intend to upset anyone with what I've put down here. I just felt a deep need to share what is on my heart. It feels like a forbidden subject, something I'm not allowed to talk about, to say out loud. Who knows, maybe this post won't even stay up here long. But at least I got a chance to get things off my chest. 


Comments

  1. AnonymousSeptember 17, 2024 at 9:57 PM

    Praying for you in the journey. GOD has already used you in mighty ways and will continue as you submit to HIS will.

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousSeptember 19, 2024 at 6:44 PM

    You have a beautiful heart ❤️

    ReplyDelete

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