The God of Hope

 

Now may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you believe in him, so that you may abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.  Romans 15: 13

Sometimes the future is scary. Next week I visit the Alvord Brain Tumor Center at UW Medical Center to discuss chemotherapy and radiation treatment options for my brain tumor. While I really am looking forward to having that appointment behind me, I'm not looking forward to doing it, or what comes after it. That said, there would be no point in doing any of it if I didn't have hope for the future. If I didn't hope that we would be able to get this tumor under control, why would I try to treat it? Ultimately, though, my hope doesn't lie in treating this tumor. Even if this tumor goes crazy and takes out my ability to see, walk, or even swallow, I still have hope. How can that be? I'll tell you! 

In the midst of struggle, I have joy. Sometimes it comes through laughing at myself. Because of my double vision, my depth perception is quite off, so I frequently miss when I go to grab something or step somewhere. I feel like in those circumstances you have the choice to laugh or cry, I choose to laugh 😂. I laugh a lot lately, so much so that if I’m not looking at my phone, my husband just asks me what I did this time. If I am looking at my phone, he knows it’s probably a meme, because my friends have been very diligent to send them to me since I posted about it a while ago. Either that or an animal video. But truthfully, my joy comes from the love notes my Savior sends to me throughout the day. The feeling of warm water from the shower, the pattern of sunlight on the wall, the twinkle in my husband’s eyes. All day and all night God reminds me that He loves me, that He’s got me, that He’s with me always. Ultimately this is all coming together for His plan and purpose, and I trust that, no matter what part I play in it. I have hope because of my joy in Jesus!

I also have peace. Oh, I am so grateful that it is not up to me to have this all figured out! My husband says I am a last-minute decision maker. I don’t really understand that, but he’s pretty smart, so he’s probably right. Yes, I had a long moment of stress as I began to realize the implications of the treatment options. Several of the different side effects came to my attention, and they are bleak! But before long I knew that none of that really mattered. I was going to choose the path that I felt was God’s will and trust that He would take care of whatever was going to come with it. I’m not naïve. I have no doubt that there will be complications, there always are. But when they come, we’ll take them on one at a time, or three at a time if that’s the way we’re supposed to! I have peace because it’s not up to me. This is all God’s responsibility, not mine. My job is to be faithful and obey. To give Him the glory for what He does. To trust Him for provision. To rest. Worry doesn’t help a single thing. In fact, it causes harm. So why bother? I have hope because my peace is based on God’s sovereignty.

Here’s the Thing: Peace, Joy and Hope are words that get tossed around a lot at Christmastime. We like to think of baby Jesus in a manger and the hope of our promised Messiah. But today I need grown-up Jesus. I need the Jesus that cleared the temple because people were turning a house of prayer into a den of thieves. I need the Jesus that cared for the woman with the issue of blood, even though everyone around Him was in a desperate hurry. I need the Jesus who knew it was okay to take a nap in the boat in a storm, because His Father had everything under control. I’m so glad that this Jesus is with me always, to the end of the age!

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