The Anxiety-Excitement Dilemma

 “And if I go and make ready a place for you, I will come again and take you to be with me, so that where I am you may be too.”  John 14: 3

Two thousand years ago, Jesus went to make ready a place for us. I’ve seen what He can do in seven days. I’m beyond excited to be with Him in this place that He is preparing for us. So why am I scared too?

A series of events has caused me to have to do extensive research on my brain tumor, and it hasn’t been encouraging. What originally was quoted to me as a 95% survivability prognosis is now looking more like 60%, with an uncertain quality of life. Being a person who typically doesn’t operate in the majority, this is a much different prognosis than I had originally anticipated.

So then I read verses like this with fresh eyes. I begin to picture all the dreamy images I’ve seen on social media of homes that I’ll never even stay in, let alone live in, and I know that they don’t hold a candle to what my Jesus is preparing for us. 

I bet the library will be incredible. All our questions will have answers there, we can find out everything we ever wanted to know. There will be soft, cozy nooks for us to curl up in and read about the wonders of our Heavenly Father. 


The views will be epic. Each window will have a landscape beyond imagining. I wouldn’t be surprised if the very walls were alive with wonder. There will be no limits. Gravity, space, time, there are no rules. Jesus can do anything there.

So why is there still a disconnect? How can I be so excited to be with Jesus and see all that He has prepared and also be anxious about dying? Yes, I know I’m not dying and I’m very much alive and have a likelihood of living for another four decades. But at the same time, current circumstances have me facing my mortality like never before.

Here’s the Thing: I don’t think it’s accidental that excitement and anxiety share so many characteristics. It’s why we love roller coasters. We have that anticipation/fear as we near the top and then the thrill as we race down. Now if I could just harness that and roll my anxiety into excitement…

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