Are You At Peace?

 

Therefore, dear friends, since you are waiting for these things, strive to be found at peace, without spot or blemish, when you come into his presence. And regard the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as also our dear brother Paul wrote to you, according to the wisdom given to him,  2 Peter 3: 14-15

Would I say I’m at peace? That’s an interesting question.

I deal with a lot of pain, but I’m ok with that. Would I like it to be gone? Absolutely! Does it affect my daily life? Definitely! Just because I’m ok with it doesn't mean that it doesn't affect me. So how can I say I’m ok with it? I feel like I’ve made my peace with it. I’ve learned techniques to tolerate it, breathing through it, stretching, elevating, heat, etc. I recognize that it affects my ability to think and I’ve come to accept that. On high pain days I still play games with my family, but I expect to lose by a large margin. I set aside more time for my Bible study or meal planning than I normally would. I give myself grace when I forget, lose track, or otherwise blunder about in my brain because of pain. And I guess that’s what it all comes down to, giving myself grace. Grace to feel what I feel, and think what I think. That grace leads to peace.

My vision is still doubled. It’s a year post surgery now and we’ve tried special glasses and even more surgery, which so far has only made it worse. At first my reaction was panic, which is certainly the opposite of peace. But after a bit, and I’m sure with the soothing of the Holy Spirit at work in my heart, I calmed down. I spent the last year learning how to live with double vision and I know now that I can certainly do it if I need to, I had just hoped that I wouldn’t.

I’m on day 9 of a migraine. I got a pass last year (perhaps three brain surgeries had something to do with it?) but the two springs before that I had a migraine for months at a time with one lasting for about 100 days. I am on migraine preventative medicine and I use migraine abortive medicine when one comes on, but this one wasn’t to be deterred. I’ve come at it with every physical and medicinal tool in my toolbox, but to no avail. As I sit in a darkened room typing this, I’m ok with it. If it lasts another week, or month, or 100 days, I know that God’s got me. He will provide for me in and through it. When it hurts, He’ll give me the strength to endure. When I’m nauseous, which I have been most mornings and some afternoons this week, He’ll bear me up. When I can’t entertain the idea of cooking, He’ll give my husband grace to let us order out. When I have to cancel plans with friends, He'll help them understand.

I’m at peace.

Here's the Thing: Some people wouldn’t understand how I could be at peace in my situation, but I don’t know how I could endure my situation if I wasn’t at peace. It’s the peace of the Holy Spirit that gives me the breath in my lungs, the smile on my lips, the joy in my heart.

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