A Week in Orlando: Part 5 Shaking off my Pity Party


Here I am sitting on the back of a beautiful ship, trying my hardest not to cry. I am so very blessed to be here. I am so very grateful for the opportunity. I know that many, if not most, don't get to do things like this. But everyone around me does, and I'm struggling with comparing myself against them and being jealous. 

Yesterday, embarkation day, I hit a new recent record of over 10,000 steps, over 4 miles. I paid for it dearly. I know better than to walk that much, but I didn't see a way to avoid it. In the future, I will DEFINITELY bring a power wheelchair on a solo cruise. The amount of required activity exhausted me, causing me to have to rest in my cabin for much of the afternoon and evening. I also ended up with a migraine by the time I went to bed. I really wanted ice for my head, but that would have required walking back and forth the length of the ship and I just didn't have it in me. 

Today we are spending the day at MSC's private Island, Ocean Cay. I'm excited, but nervous, and that's what made me jealous. Most of the other people on this ship won't think twice about going ashore and participating in a fun filled day of activities. All I want to do is find a shady spot on the beach and rest with a book, but I'm worried that I won't be able to do that. I'm worried about too many steps. I'm worried about the blisters and sores on my feet and which shoes I should wear and bring to help minimize the damage. I'm worried about carrying my beach bag and it hurting my back or shoulder. I'm worried about getting my sunscreen on and reapplying it by myself and then it not working because my skin is so sensitive and the SPF is too low (need to use reef safe sunscreen today). So then I'm worried about getting a bad sunburn. I'm worried about finding a place that isn't reserved by someone else (that's one of my pet peeves). I'm worried about but being able to find shade, needing to pay to rent an umbrella, and then not being strong enough to carry it to where I want to go-or pushing through and doing it anyways and injuring myself. I'm worried about finding food I can eat without gluten. 

I'm worried that I won't be able to enjoy this fabulous day because of my disabilities. I'm jealous of the able bodied people around me that don't have to consider any of this.

And another thing. They just announced that due to a strong sea current they are not able to approach the island and they'll try again this afternoon. So, I may not get to do it at all, but at least I'm in the same situation as everyone else on board with that one!

Here's the thing: I'm not supposed to be jealous. I'm supposed to be thankful for what I do have instead of frustrated over what I don't. But sometimes it's just hard to get there.

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