Day 8: When you have to say goodbye to your church

 

    I've avoided this topic, didn't plan on writing about it at all to be honest.  But this morning as I was talking with my husband he shared that he believed it is important to share all aspects of my faith walk because there might be someone out there that needs to hear it.  

    So about a month ago we decided it was time to leave our church.  We did not come to this conclusion easily - it was a 9 month, painful journey.  Even more painful as it was just two years ago this fall that we had to leave our previous church.  This makes me feel like we come across as people who don't take church membership seriously, or are looking for perfection - I assure you this is far from the truth.  We had spent nearly twenty years at the church we left two years ago, and we only left because the teaching had begun to stray far from biblical truth and the church also did not embrace the community in the way we felt led to do.  After a very short time we connected with a group of people who were beginning a church plant and everything they shared about their values and desires matched perfectly with what we had been feeling called to.  About nine months later though, it became clear that the original intent was not going to be played out in reality, and again we were unable to influence things otherwise, not for lack of trying!  

    I long for community.  I wish I had friends. I hope that someday I can be a part of a church where I'm not the odd person out that always says the thing other people don't want to hear. Part of me wants to believe that is out there, but part of me, the twice bitten part, is hesitant to hope again.  Tomorrow we once more embark upon the task of finding a new church home.  I truly don't expect perfection.  I know that every church out there is made up of people and people are fallible.  But it would be really nice if we could find a place of connection.  A place where we can make friends that are interested in growing with us, holding us accountable. 

Here's the thing: There's a part of me that just wants to give up, to crawl in bed and say I'm fine with just Jesus and me.  But God made us for community, and I know that's where I'm supposed to be.