Day 4: Becoming an Ambulatory Wheelchair User

Up till about a year ago, I thought everyone who was in a wheelchair was there because they couldn't walk. It was pure ignorance on my part. I just didn't know any better. Had I been in a grocery store and seen someone in a wheelchair get up and pick something up off the shelf, I would have been in shock. I also spent most of my life being taught by my mother that mobility aids should only be used by people who absolutely could not function without them, and anyone else was faking to get attention. Between these two inherent biases, accepting the idea that I might need to use a wheelchair at different times was very difficult.

     About a year ago I sustained a hip injury that made it exceedingly painful and sometimes impossible to walk. I did the best I could to get by using a cane, but found out that doing so was furthering my injury and I needed to allow my hip to rest. I still got around the house okay, but if I needed to do any extended walking, for instance shopping, then I needed to use a mobility aid. This started with using the electric carts at the store, and eventually my husband rented a manual wheelchair for a month so that we could participate in a couple of outings with his family that I would have been otherwise unable to do. This was not an easy transition for me, and I wouldn't even say that I fully adapted to it before my hip was doing well enough that I no longer needed it for the time.

Over the last several months, I have seen a steady decline in the distances I am able to walk without severe repercussions. It now seems to be somewhere between a quarter and a half mile before I have symptoms that are concerning enough that I shouldn't continue. My best guess is that these are caused by extreme laxity in my ankles, and I might consider doing Prolotherapy on them in the future if I see success with my back, but for the time being there is little or nothing that I can do to change the laxity in my ankle joints. So I began limiting the amount of walking that I do. 

     My husband is a hiker. And by that I mean he is an extreme hiker. A couple of weeks ago he thought absolutely nothing of hiking all the way up and down a mountain and then hiking a few more miles all in the same day. My limited walking ability, I believe, is a great sadness to him because I can't join him in one of his most beloved activities. I don't think he resents me or holds it against me but I know deep down he is disappointed. So when he asked me if it would be okay if he bought us a manual wheelchair so that we could go on longer walks together, I said yes. We tried it the first time this summer, and it wasn't easy. While riding in a wheelchair is easier on my body than walking, it still has some challenging effects. But even more difficult were the mental / emotional challenges that I faced with it. I don't think I'm alone in this, but I'm having a hard time finding resources online to help me process this transition. I think this is something I will likely blog about more in the future.

Here's the thing: Part of me knows that this is the right thing to do and that it is necessary for my continued health and well-being, as well as the health of my relationship with my husband. But I have a lot of wrong thinking that needs to be fixed in my heart and mind before I'm going to be truly okay with it.