Day 24: Being my Authentic Self

 

    I know who I am, what I believe. You'd think it would be simple then to represent that to the world, right?  Wrong.  In the Pacific Northwest where I live, Christians are not common.  In fact, most people have a negative view of Christianity.  This means that being me, speaking my truth, answering people honestly carries a potential cost.  Then again, so does not.

    Today at my doctor's appointment I was chatting with the nurse while she was preparing my skin for an injection.  Based on her name and a tattoo on her arm, I assumed that it was likely she was Muslim. She asked if we used to dress up for Halloween and I told her that we used to when doing events with the youth group we led, and she hadn't heard of that, so she asked what a youth group is.  You'd think this would be a blinking light invitation to share in a simple way what I believe, but I panicked and froze.  I was afraid of what she would think of me, I was afraid of offending her, I was just afraid.

    So instead of saying, "A youth group is where teens come to hang out, have fun, and learn about Jesus." I said, "A youth group is where we would get the kids together and play games and do activities."

    ... Face Palm...

    I am a people pleaser, but I'm trying to learn not to be.  I want to be my authentic self, to answer questions candidly and let the chips fall where they may.  I want to be a good witness and speak up for Jesus when I can.  But all too often the above scenario is the norm instead of what I want it to be.

Here's the thing:  Does God forgive me for dropping the ball AGAIN? Yes, I believe He does.  And I hope and believe that He will give me yet another chance.  I also hope that my memory of this experience and my deep disappointment will empower me to do the right thing next time.  To be me.  To speak truth in love.  To not bend in fear of social repercussions.