Day 22: The pros and cons of social media

 

    This morning I read an article written by a fellow Zebra (person with EDS) on the benefits of social media for those with chronic illness.  She shared that it helped her to feel connected to those she cared about even when she couldn't see them physically.  Further, she said that it helped her feel like she can, "still 'travel' all over the world and 'visit' friends and family from all walks of life."

    For me, social media has a significantly different effect.  I've struggled as my abilities declined watching friends and family out and about doing wonderful things together.  I felt a heavy weight on my heart and questioned if I was a good mom anymore.  I struggled with jealousy at the things that others were able to do easily that I couldn't even consider.  I found that every time I opened Facebook on my phone it brought my mood lower and lower and I eventually had to cut myself off from it entirely.

    These days if I want to connect virtually with people, I do so on platforms designed for those with  illness like The Mighty or Inspire.  Here I'm much more likely to find people like me who struggle with the same things I do.  I find inspiration from suggestions they make, and I'm able to connect with and comfort those going through hard times.

    What does this mean for my past relationships with friends and family?  Well really, I don't have many of them anymore.  As I've experienced in many other life transitions, when I stopped being able to go out and do things regularly, I lost touch with those I did them with.  When I was no longer able to be active in the yoga community, I stopped hearing from the friends I had made there.  When I moved on from first one church and then another, those contacts drifted.  I have two friends that I meet with about once a month, sometimes every two months if we get busy.  I have one more that I've tried to maintain a relationship with but our lives are so different now that we have so little in common.  I don't have a friend to call when I get good news or bad.  I don't have anyone that checks in on me - outside of my immediate family. I live in a pretty small circle.  

    Sometimes that makes me sad.  I remember times when I went out with friends all the time, hung out in the evenings, did small groups, participated in church ministry.  Now I just sit at home or go to appointments.  But the truth is, I just don't have the physical, emotional, or social energy to do more.  It's not their fault.  I don't blame people for dropping out of my life.  I certainly didn't pull my weight in relationships and who wants to keep reaching out to someone who doesn't reciprocate?

Here's the thing:  Different strokes for different folks.  For some social media is a lifeline, but for me it is a millstone around my neck.  I learned that and made choices to keep myself healthy.  Maybe someday I can find ways to maintain relationships that work for me.  Until then, I am so grateful for my immediate family and my online communities.