Day 17: Knowing when enough is enough

 


    I have a very addictive personality.  I don't do anything small.  Once I get into something, it's full steam ahead.  I research everything to death.  I'm all about maximizing and doing things the best way possible.  What's the best way to cut up a pineapple?  How can I get the most out of Genie+ at Disney World?  What are the tricks to beating an event in EverMerge without spending too many coins?  Yes, I am that person.  

    This can be a great skill/trait to have as it enables me to enjoy learning and helps me to be a good steward of the gifts God has given me.  It can also be a trap. I can find out that in order to beat the event in EverMerge without spending coins you have to collect "Pixies" that float across the screen every 4 minutes.  That means that I always have my phone next to me and my game running.  It distracts me from anything I'm doing, and I'm afraid it has made those I care about feel like I'm not paying them enough attention.

    Why can't I just play a phone game a few times a day to relax and destress?  Why do these inconsequential things take over my life and push out all my other hobbies that I'd like to participate in?  Since I've been playing EverMerge I haven't crocheted, I've barely read, and my to-do list keeps growing.  The funny (not funny) thing is, I had to quit the last phone game that I got into because it took over my life in a similar way.  And yet I ended up right back where I was.

    I liked playing EverMerge because the pain and migraines made it difficult to think enough to play other games I enjoyed that involve puzzles and logic.  With EverMerge, all I had to do was count to 5 and put things in groups.  It was relaxing and enjoyable, I just took it too far. 

    For a long time I tried to limit myself to a few times a day.  I said I wouldn't log on before I did my Bible Study. I put all these rules on myself, but then, as usual, exceptions came up.  I said it didn't count because I just had the app open next to me while I worked. I said this was a special event and I was going to play a little extra just for today.  Pretty soon the exceptions because the norm, again.

Here's the thing: I uninstalled the game yesterday.  I want to be the kind of person that can use games or other things in a healthy way, but I'm just not.  I need to know myself and recognize what is good for me and what is not.  

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