Living in the Pink

 
 I wrote recently about Learning to Live Within My Limits. Lately I haven't been succeeding at that very well. Instead, I've been, "Living in the Pink." In my Visible app, my points show up as blue when I am at or under my limit. When I go past the tracker during the day, it shows up as yellow because I still have a chance to rest and get back under my goal. But once the day is done, if I have used more points than I should, it turns to pink. I guess they felt like it was a gentler color than red. For the last six days, I have not stayed under my goal. Yesterday I only surpassed it by 0.1 points, so I feel like the pink is not fully deserved, but other days I went over by as much as 10 points, more than 30% of my planned total. 

 So why do I care? It's in the past, right? I care because my points overage doesn't stay in the past. Each day I go over affects the next, and sometimes more. When I have a stretch like this of days in a row of going over, it can take a week or more for me to reset. 

 What does "Living in the Pink" feel like? I wake up tired and achy - I often don't sleep well which contributes to this. Sometimes I wake up with a migraine, sometimes it will come on part way through the day. Inflammation in my body is much higher. My trouble spots (like my mid-back, low-back and hips) will ache. Sometimes I can't walk well or even at all. I have to be careful of my weak points where I have permanent sprains (my ankles and my back primarily) because they are more likely to flare and become full-fledged sprains again. I don't think well, my brain is foggy and distracted. And I'm tired all day. Not just a little wiped out, but completely exhausted. I'm libel to fall asleep sitting up, which is not something I'm known for and is dangerous for the vertebrae in my neck (have you ever heard of internal decapitation? It's a thing and I'm at risk). 

 When I am "Living in the Pink" it costs me more points (spoons) to do simple things. Walking, eating, sitting up. For example, today all I've done is get ready, eat breakfast (I didn't even have to fix it), and sit while working on my computer. I'm still under my tracker for today, but I've used 7 pace points, more than 1/4 of my daily allowance, and I feel like I haven't done much of anything! If I'm "Living in the Blue" I'd be able to go for a walk, maybe even exercise, do a few chores around the house, and still be at the same points I am right now. 

 So how do I get back to the blue? It takes intentionality and some hard choices. I have to take a nap, a long one, EVERY DAY. I can't skip. I have to watch my points carefully and make choices based on them. Today, I have to decide between taking the elevator and the stairs based on my points. I had to decide between sitting in the Observation Lounge and my stateroom (the Observation Lounge was noisier and brighter so there was more stimulation). I had to decide between participating in the activities aboard ship I was interested in (like seminars and game shows) and resting in my room. I am committed to getting back to the blue. I tried hard yesterday and *Just Missed*. But it's a little disappointing as well.

Here's the Thing: Part of why I ended up in the pink was preparing for this trip. I spent extra time packing and spending time with my family because I was going to be away. Unfortunately, that means that I started off this trip with a deficit. In hindsight, I ought to have been more intentional about staying in the blue before my trip so that I could enjoy it more and not spend it recuperating.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

At least it's not bad news

Image
  Radical tumor removal is not always possible because of the critical brainstem or diencephalic locations of some tumors. Tumor progression and eventual death are likely in such patients. Stereotactic radiosurgery for pilocytic astrocytomas part 1: outcomes in adult patients Kano et. al.  So my posts are usually preceded by a scripture verse, often an encouraging one. Today I needed to give you an insight into what I've been experiencing. From the time I was diagnosed with a brain tumor, about a year and a half ago, I was reassured that it was a "WHO grade 1 benign" tumor. I, mistakenly, took this to mean that it wasn't a big deal. Even when I was told in June that it had grown "slightly," I thought that meant they'd zap it with radiation and that'd be the end of it. Guess what, I was wrong. When my June MRI revealed growth, I was referred to the Tumor Center for treatment. Fearing a long, drawn-out process, I was relieved when they scheduled all my...
Read more

The Next Crazy Thing

Image
Buckle in! This is a processing post so it is likely to be long and wordy and emotional and probably flawed in many ways. I thank you for your patience and anyone who makes it to the end gets bonus points in my book 😏.  Let's start with the info. I've been having progressively more intense, more frequent, and longer lasting migraines. Since my eye surgery in May, I've also been experiencing a great deal of nausea, almost daily. Sometimes meds help (with either), sometimes they don't. In addition, since the eye surgery, my double vision has intensified. My depth perception is shot, I'm regularly missing things I grab for, mistaking curbs for cracks in the sidewalk, bumping into walls or counters. Those are the three things that neurosurgery told us to watch for with regards to the shunt functioning properly: headaches, nausea, and vision changes. Now the vision changes were probably because of the surgery and the nausea was probably  because of the migraines, but th...
Read more

When "Wait and See" Wouldn't Sound so Bad

Image
    Ten days after I received the call letting me know that they found something on the MRI I was sitting in the office of a Neurosurgeon.  I have no doubt that God orchestrated the circumstances that had brought me there, including a friend who is also dealing with a brain tumor recommending this clinic. But how could any of this be real? Only a couple of people knew what was going on, but there wasn't much to know before this appointment. All we had were a few key phrases on the MRI Study Result and our dear friend, Dr. Google.  I went into the appointment with the impression that the doctor would either recommend watching and waiting, doing another MRI in six months and seeing if anything changed, or taking it out right away.  In previous encounters where the option was to wait or do something I have vastly preferred doing something, but this time it was different. I had read about the potential complications of surgery and I was scared.  Not to men...
Read more